Category: Comedy

Episode Thirty Six – Bizarre Bear Triangles

Published June 18, 2020

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Was an early version of Love Will Tear Us Apart written by the ancient Greeks? Were New Order slated to cover the entire Wizard of Oz score for the So I Married An Axe Murderer soundtrack? Did The Pixies think Salvador Dali might have replaced Ian Curtis in Joy Division?

Young Southpaw investigates.

“Love will tear us apart, I mean maybe ya know. I guess that’s a possibility. I’d certainly never thought of that before I heard the song. That’s kinda dark. Though you look at those photos of Joy Division, they’re all black and white as well, real gloomy…

But ya know love, maybe… like I said, but ya know what would definitely tear a couple apart? Bears! I mean why wasn’t it Bears Will Tear Us Apart? Same number of syllables, ya know? I’d have to think that just by using logic Ian Curtis woulda thought of that before love occurred to him. Comes first alphabetically too! In case like the charts were rigged that way. I guess A would be even better but… Can’t think of anything…axes? Nah, see that’s two syllables. And they more chop apart than tear. Though that So I Married An Ax Murderer had a pretty good soundtrack ya know. Ned’s Atomic Dustbin doin’ Saturday Night by the Bay City Rollers. Boo Radleys coverin The La’s There She Goes. Suede with My Insatiable One. Now that’s pretty dark when you’re talking about ax murderers. Insatiable, woo. I wonder if New Order were even considered for that soundtrack? They coulda done like…well Lions & Tigers & Bears was a chant, not really a song. But ya know how they had a certain fondness for like frog noises and whatnot, on singles no less? They coulda thrown the Lions & Tigers & Bears chant into their tune for the So I Married An Ax Murderer soundtrack. A knowing nod to their secret history. But wait a minute like what if New Order…covered the entire Wizard of Oz soundtrack… And like if you pressed play on it at the beginning of So I Married An Axe Murderer it was like the most psychedelic experience ever!

But I mean yeah again axes and definitely axe murderers chop more than tear. Could be a combo I guess. Not so snappy of a song title though, ya know – Axes & Axes Murderers Will Chop & Tear Us Apart. Rarely do such themes make it into the singles charts. Though So I Married An Axe Murderer was ultimately a film about love. So this is quite problematic…

But like what strictly tears? Eyes I guess, not in the same way of course. That’d be crazy if tears…teared…tore? I mean now we’re in Pixies territory, no pun intended. Though I don’t know, who knows the inner workings of my mind and what it means to intend and whatnot? But that’d be crazy if Debaser was actually a cover of Love Will Tear Us Apart. Done to point out exactly what I’m saying here about the tearing. Imagine if Salvador Dali went on to sing for Joy Division, they just kept the name after Ian passed and like Peter Murphy ended up bein’ their chauffeur. And that’s what that Duran Duran song is about! That makes perfect sense!

Though if it was a bear drivin’ a car, like if Peter Murphy couldn’t make it to work one day. I mean I assume if Peter Murphy was going to get someone to replace him, bear or otherwise, he’d make sure they could drive. Heck they even had that Spy In The Cab, he’d totally know who he was putting in charge of cartin Joy Division around. Heck, it might even be too much of a system. But let’s just say, like there’s a communication breakdown, Jimmy Page workin’ some dark magic ya know, and a bear who doesn’t have a license, doesn’t even know how to drive, has prolly never even been behind the wheel of a car before – or any vehicle, tractors and gold carts included – let’s just say this bear finds himself there. What can he do? Does his best, I’m sure. But there is a very real danger that this bear…could tear them apart… Just by wrapping them around a tree or somethin’. And the car, car would go first. This could be what the songs Confusion and True Faith are about, heck maybe even Everything’s Gone Green – ya know this bear just taking them all back to the woods where he knows it’s safe. Rather than on busy city streets with radio stations refusin to play Axes & Axe Murderers Will Chop And Tear Us Apart

But like back to what I was sayin’ about alphabetically, eyes would be out cause E comes after B. Though like Bear’s Eyes Will Tear Us Apart does sound real cool and poetic, heck even more intriguing than Love. Lots of people fall in love, or claim to for whatever reason. But how often do you come face to face with a pair of bear’s eyes? Then like they could be crying, the tears tearing apart…it’s all startin’ to make sense now… And like Paddington Bear, ya know! Keepin’ it English. I’m not sayin’ Paddington Bear was violent at all. And neither am I sayin’ Joy Division should have been playing children’s television shows. If that’s what you’re taking away from this, let me correct your misconceptions. Though I mean I don’t wanna take money outta their pockets either. I mean kids prolly woulda liked Dali’s moustache, not payin’ so much attention to the sounds coming out of the speakers…

Huh… Though there’s prolly some copyright stuff with Paddington Bear but like ya know I mentioned they liked sampling animal noises, I imagine since those were still early days of electronic music you’d need a live bear at some point in the equation. Like musos didn’t regularly have authentic bear samples on hand. I mean where do ya go? Well Liverpool, of course! Bill Drummond and Dave Balfe got Zoo Records going…

Woah, speakin’ of bears and Liverpool, there was that band Care ya know. Paul Simpson and Ian Broudie. Care Bears ya know, woo! They had that tune Flaming Sword. Imagine facing that on the dancefloor! That’ll tear you apart. Well, I guess more slice though. But still, Care Bears With A Flaming Sword, now we’re talkin!

There were apparently a lot of animals in Liverpool at the time, certainly enough for a zoo – Lori & The Chameleons, Wild Swans, even Bunnymen – and then like all that Beatles memorabilia of course. Other cities prolly had Zoo Envy. Well how bout Zoos Will Tear Us – or heck Zeus! Will Tear Us Apart. I mean his lightning certainly would. Split you right in half. Like that Smiths song you know. And the Greeks woulda been fond of division too. Archimedes and his crew, all those cats. Maybe they even wrote Zeus Will Tear Us Apart and it’s just been floatin in the ether ever since for Ian Curtis ta pick up on thousands a years later. I mean I wonder how many songs this happens for…”

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Episode Thirty Five – Star Wars With Jon Bon, Ally McB, & Cliffy C

Published April 15, 2020

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“I don’t mean to imply that Star Wars was some sort of documentary about Ms. Flockhart and Jon Bon Jovi on the set of Ally McBeal”

In which Young Southpaw ponders why the Star Wars films didn’t have theme songs a la the James Bond franchise

Taking in The Indelicates, Thomas Pynchon, Inherent Vice, The Ramones, KISS, Rocky IV, Def Leppard, Metallica, David Bowie, Cheers, Cliff Claven, Hoth, Empire Strikes Back, Shirley Bassey, and much more etc.

“So I’m doin another podcast, one where I interview artists I really dig, it’s called Etcetera ETC with Young Southpaw. You can find it at all the places ya know. And last week’s one was pretty eye-opening man. I interviewed The Indelicates, a band I’ve loved for a long time, and Simon Indelicate pointed something out… Now it’s weird man, like I’m not exactly sure his last name is Indelicate, I wouldn’t put money on it, especially against him. But that’s the name of the band and so the last name he uses I’m pretty sure. I mean this is the way things have gone since The Ramones, since the end of last century, or I guess the last fifth of last century, that album came in 1980 I think… But ya know, hey ho, let’s go with it…

But speaking of real names, there was that character in Tommy P’s Inherent Vice novel called Vincent Indelicato. And well I can’t say that I’m not sure that that’s his real last name cause he’s someone that Thomas Pynchon created so like… I don’t know, I mean, he’s obviously a fictional character, but it’s probably the fictional character’s real last name. There was no indication in Inherent Vice that he was, that this was an alias, or that he was even in a band. I mean I doubt he was even in The Indelicates. Man, I guess I missed a trick. That I should have asked The Indelicates have they ever had any fictional characters, by Thomas Pynchon or otherwise, in their band. And then like this guy would have been a bit of a rebel too, insisting on Indelicato while the rest of them are Indeli-cate ya know…

But anyway like Simon Indelicate ya know…aka……..Simon Indelicate… pointed out that Jovi, ya know Jon Bon… his first appearance on record was actually that Star Wars Christmas album that came out in 1980 ya know. Woah same year as The Ramones’ End Of A Century! I wonder what that’s implying. I mean centuries can be used to measure the distance ya know like for a long time ago in a etc ya know. But this got me thinking – why didn’t the Star Wars movies, ya know, like the Bond films, have theme tunes with like the popstars of the day on them? Woulda been rad! And huge for the music industry! I mean they wouldn’t have to have the Ramones do one, even though that’s probably what we all want! I mean they were on that Space Ghost Coast To Coast promoting their Acid Eaters covers album but we’d want original material, ya know! Like Rocket To Russia would be more appropriate especially if like after blowing up the Death Star the Ramones themselves – I mean I guess they’d have to be in the film now – so like they help the rebels blow up the Death Star then they take said rocket and go to the Soviet Union to fight Drago. I mean yeah it’d have to be like all four of them cause they’re like skinny guys living on junk food…

But ya know, like the Bond films, I think we’d want the theme songs to be done by a different band for each film. I mean Shirley Bassey, she’s a whole different story, can’t get enough of her. Imagine her covering Depeche Mode’s Just Can’t Get Enough, for a Bond film no less! And besides ya know you can’t be poaching people who have already done Bond films. Though if that lead to a Star Wars film where James Bond himself was playing a lead role, that’d be pretty amazing!

So like who can we get? It’s 1977, right? And yeah the John Williams theme tune is classic enough but who’s to say it wouldn’t have been an even bigger movie ya know if like KISS had been in it?! I mean that makes total sense too ya know. Ya got StarChild and Ace as the Spaceman and like Gene Simmons’ make-up coulda easily been like another Darth Vader type character! And then like Peter Criss – don’t you find it weird that with all the different planets they visited in those films you never see one cat! And like if KISS were in Star Wars, woulda saved us all from KISS Meets the Phantom Of The Park. Though I gotta say I do like the acoustic version of Beth from that film…

Then we’ll slate The Ramones in for Empire and then we got Jedi…

I mean 1983 was a killer year for music Would Return of the Jedi have been better if it had a soundtrack of Def Leppard, something from Bowie’s ‘Let’s Dance’, and Metallica? Like the Imperial March is rad and all but imagine adding Seek & Destroy to the Empire’s theme music?!

And then of course I forgot all about why this is happening in the first place, gotta get ol’ Jon Bon himself involved!

I mean Jovi was an actor for a while, he was in Ally McBeal. In one of those high Boston office buildings too. I mean closer to space than here on Earth and ya know legal battles are kinda like wars ya know. I mean lawyers always seem so busy, I don’t know if they’d have time to go see a film called Moderately High When Compared To The Ground…Wars… And it would’ve had to have come out before Legal Eagles I think. Ya know if the Star Wars franchise stood a hope of surviving. But I mean this could be the New Hope they’re talkin about!

And like Calista Flockhart, that’s a name up there with Luke Skywalker! She was as, Jovi himself pointed out in Living On A Prayer, “halfway there”. I don’t mean to imply that Star Wars was some sort of documentary about Ms. Flockhart and Jon Bon Jovi on the set of Ally McBeal…

But wait a minute! Cliff Clavin from Cheers was in Empire Strikes Back! Makes sense too with him being a mailman and he’s in that scene on the ice planet Hoth, I mean Boston gets real cold in the winter! And ya know “neither snow nor rain not heat” etc. – snow is the very first one in the mail carrier’s motto! So like maybe he’s in the mail room at the Rebel Legal Office and he delivers some important maybe even the plans to yet another Death Star if they wanna keep harpin’ on that, delivers em to ol’ C Flock herself. Woah! Should Flock of Seagulls do her theme tune?! That’d be wild! But then like, would Jovi end up composing his own theme tune? I don’t know how I feel about that…

And like legally speaking, Simon Indelicate was the one who pointed this out to me in our interview, so it seems only appropriate that The Indelicates should soundtrack one of the films themselves…

But like they didn’t form until 2005, and I don’t even think in time for Revenge Of The Sith. Unless like, I mean if they were to remake the films now and have a subplot be about a band from the south of England time-travelling in order to get on the soundtrack of the very film we’re all watching! I mean it might be a bit more believable”

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Episode Thirty Four – Dirty Dancing

Published March 23, 2020

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In which Young Southpaw wonders if there are plotlines to Dirty Dancing we’re not picking up on, in part due to it coming out in the aftermath of David Lee Roth leaving Van Halen

Taking in soup, The Kinks, Margaret Keane’s big eye paintings, Vera Chytilova’s Daisies, food fights, time travel and other experiments, New Order, etc.

“I really wish I could get over the fact that I’ve Had The Time Of My Life and Hungry Eyes could not possibly be of the time period Dirty Dancing deals with!

I mean I was doin fine, hadn’t thought of this in quite a while. And then some days ago I was out at the supermarket hoping against hope for some soup, and the radio started playin’ Hungry Eyes. Which – WOAH! I mean now that I think about it is a genius thing to be playin where they sell food. Well I mean in principle, just slippin it in, arrogantly thinking people aren’t gonna equate it with the phrase ‘your eyes were bigger than your stomach’. Such bravado, ya know. But obviously they didn’t count on the effect it would have on me. Just send me into a state of confusion, like that Kinks album ya know, came out in 1983 while Dirty Dancing didn’t hit theaters until 1987. So the two of them spanning David Lee Roth being both in and out of Van Halen – like a Schrodinger’s Cat, I guess – a Schrodinger’s Roth….

But I heard that song, I forgot all about food and just started ponderin’ ya know. Well heck brooding wouldn’t be strong a word for it!

Cause it bugged me out, ya know. I mean first of all, eyes aren’t hungry. That’s a property of the stomach, ya know. But then I started questioning myself, like was there some sort of scientific development in the mid-80s where they were testing these things that I just completely missed out on?

Or ya know, like during the time that Dirty Dancing was supposed to take place, was there some sorta scientific research going on, and there’s this underlying theme that no one really picked up on in the movie? That like it was about eating…with your eyes… I mean it didn’t seem like a horror movie. Well, maybe to some… And that whole phrase ya know ‘your eyes were bigger than your stomach’, that doesn’t even make any sense. Of course they’re not…or weren’t…to keep the tense right… Though there’s those big-eyed paintings, ya know. Margaret Keane. But even then, I don’t think they’re bigger than an actual stomach. And I mean, you’d never say this to a cow, they’ve got 4 of ‘em! They’d be all like – which stomach, yo?

And again, Margaret Keane didn’t paint any visible stomachs in those big eye portraits or at least there’s none I’m aware of. So it’s impossible to make that call…

But wait! Is that what those pictures were all about?! The before photos, when they ordered too much food! Are there after photos anywhere? Maybe hidden on the sets in Dirty Dancing?

And ya know the sayin’ is meant to imply you thought you could eat more than you could, ya know. So it all boils down to money. Cause you’re wastin’ food. Unless someone else eats it, and then like, how big are their eyes?

But is there a part of the body that corrolates to money? Like the stomach does to food? But like, what if you eat your own eyes? That would be a problem…for many reasons…

No one does this…that I know… tryin’ to teach the eyes a lesson like…so you’re not orderin’ more food than you could possibly consume again on a future occasion. But I mean in this case it makes sense to ya know, scarf down one’s own eyes. Like an eye for an eye, have the punishment fit the crime. So an eye for a stomach, a little twist there. Maybe a twist of lemon to make it more palatable…

But there weren’t any major food scenes in Dirty Dancing, that I can remember… I mean they were eating breakfast and whatnot when Baby’s all talkin’ to her Daddy. But I mean Dirty Dancin and food, was it dirty because there was like a food fight ya know that they’re dancin’ in? I mean that seems more messy than dirty. But like at the end of that Czech film Daisies from the 60s…ya know Vera Chytilova… I mean hardly seems like it could’ve inspired Dirty Dancing… But I can’t rule that out. The 80s were a weird time. I mean David Lee Roth had just left Van Halen… I mean if they were gonna use modern songs, they shoulda done Dance The Night Away ya know? Or ya know maybe change it to Dirty Jumping?

And like, well, I’m just gonna say it! After Roth had left Van Halen we had enough to contend with with that fact alone. We weren’t really prepared to deal with I’ve Had The Time Of My Life and Hungry Eyes. It not being in any way possible that they could have come from 1963 when the film takes place. I mean I guess in the confusion maybe they thought they could just sneak that in and no one would mind cause they’re still dealing with Roth’s departure…

But if we take it at face value, that this was on purpose – a layer to the film that we’re supposed to pick up on – I mean the only thing that really solves it…is time travel, ya know? I mean Back To The Future had come out a couple years before… But I mean, it’s tough cause as far as I can tell, and I’ve seen Dirty Dancing multiples times, it seems to be constantly on television…and maybe even on other mediums we don’t even know about… but as far as I can tell, you never see the time travelers in that film. I mean please message me if I’m wrong. Though wait a minute, I’ll be so embarrassed if it’s like completely obvious…

But like if you don’t see the time travelers, that also means you don’t see them eating. So I mean…wooo-eeee! I just don’t know how to resolve this one

And it’s been what? 33 years since it came out?! I mean maybe, since this is a soundtrack related issue, when it turns 33 1/3 they’ll send out an official statement explaining it all…

Though woah! I should put in a disclaimer right now – I have not seen the musical. If they do explain it all – ya know, with the eye stomach experiments and all the time-travel – in the stage show then I apologize for wasting y’alls time

And let me know, please. I mean if they address all these issues in the musical – maybe even produced the show as its raison d’etre, to clear it all up – then I should go see it, set my mind at ease…

And She’s Like The Wind too! Almost forgot about that one. While the hungry eyes studies were going on were there also concurrent experiments with weather and invisibility? All going on at this resort in the Catskills in 1963?

BUT WOAH!!! That New Order song 1963, ya know the b-side to True Faith. That came out in 1987! Why wasn’t that on the soundtrack?! Woulda cleared a lotta this up!”

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Episode Thirty Three – Good Vibrations

Published February 26, 2020

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Should the three vocalists of Iron Maiden along with Ozzy, Lita Ford, Rob Halford, and Robert Pollard record a cover of the Beach Boys classic? Did a clown play oboe on the original? Why did its beat poetry take so long for ol’ Young Southpaw to comprehend. And much more…

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Episode Thirty Two – Strange Rains

Published January 31, 2020

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In which Young Southpaw examines the dangers of It’s Raining Men even if it might get RATT back in the charts and posits the theory that Blind Melon’s No Rain might be a cover of GNR’s November Rain

Taking in Exodus, Metallica, Duran Duran, Tones On Tail, Flood, Erasure, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, biblical plagues, and much more

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Episode Thirty One – A Question Of Questions

Published January 21, 2020

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In which Young Southpaw dives right into the chaos surrounding the world of queries within song and film, showing David Bowie to be – as you’d expect – valiantly at the front of both

Taking in Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight, Sweet Child O’Mine, Axl Rose, Guns N Roses, Paradise City, Depeche Mode, The Wizard Of Oz, Star Wars, and much more

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Episode Thirty – C.G. Ramone

Published December 1, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw looks into the theories about the great psychoanalyst C.G. Jung’s time as a member of The Ramones, detailing the band’s part in the whole Construction Time Again – Appetite For Destruction cycle while calling bull on Freud’s Louisa May Alp-cott speculations, and much else

Taking in the Sex Pistols, Buzzcocks, Live Aid, The Clash, Young Frankenstein, David Bowie, Eurythmics, R.E.M., Subhumans, Sonic Youth, etc.

“Lotsa people be like ‘Southpaw, you crazy! Talking bout Jung’s influence on the 80s records while skippin’ over his whole involvement with the punk movement like that. As if the Spirit of 77 never even happened. But people have been asking this question since the dawn of time – who was Carl Jung’s favourite OG punk band?’

I mean Sex Pistols, Buzzcocks you know seem more Freud’s cup of tea. I’m not saying he had tea made out of…male members, not even pandas though I’ve heard, I’ve heard that’s an aphrodisiac… But I just don’t know how that would have any bearing on who Freud… or anyone’s favourite punk band was… Unless it was like Never Mind The Bullocks just put, ya know, the other thing…in a cup a tea

But punk was rebelling against all that! Or so they claimed. I mean Buzzcocks, that’s your caffeine hit right there. But we can’t just sit around drinking tea all day – no matter what it’s made out of – to try and figure out where Freud’s punk allegiances lie. I mean maybe he had his own underground band goin’ on in Vienna, ya know. That although it stayed true to the spirit of punk, it was a bit too avant-garde for them to be invited on the Anarchy In The UK tour. Then some people even claim that, fed up with this lack of commercial success, despite wishing to at the same time remain true to his artistic ideals – I mean you can see where psychoanalysis came from – well some claim that, with all this going on, Freud actually became a founding member of Ultravox

But then ya know with Live Aid and everything, We Are The World, I mean what a throwing down the gauntlet to Jung. I mean if anything We Are The Collective Unconscious

But I mean Jung’s punk bands – woo! – I mean you’d prolly think of The Clash first of all, right? With all that stuff going on underneath the surface of consciousness, all you have to reconcile. Or maybe the Clash should have been Freud and Jung’s supergroup, ya know, after their famous split

But I’m just gonna say it. I mean though I have no documentary proof of this, I think it was The Ramones. I mean let’s look at the facts

Young Frankenstein comes out in 1974. I mean obviously they couldn’t spell it with a J, it’s an American film. But ya know, it takes place over there around Central Europe. Ya know right near Jung’s native Switzerland. The alps ya know, like ALP in Finnegans Wake and ya know Joyce is buried in Zurich. Louisa May Alp-cott, ya know… Not quite. I mean Little Men and Little Women, Freud you can’t be usin’ that, that wasn’t her name. But ya know Alps, the Sound Of Music ya know, predictin’ punk rock! And Julie Andrews’ film before that was Mary Poppins ya know – pop, pop music. I mean no wonder so much punk just sounded like pop songs played real fast, ya know…

But back across the ocean, over in New York City in 1974 the Ramones are forming. And you know David Bowie always knew what was really goin’ on. I mean next year in 1975 he goes and releases Young Americans to let us all know…that this up an coming punk band…are probably gonna be the famous Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung’s favourite punk band. Bowie was hip, man

Then there’s the whole thing that people claim Jung was actually in the Ramones for a while. For a lot longer than you’d expect too. I mean the arguments about this go back and forth, and prolly will for aeons ya know. But the story goes that when the Ramones released Pleasant Dreams, Jung felt it was time to speak up. For dreams, can be anything but pleasant. It was a conversation he would also later clarify with the Eurythmics… And so during the European leg of the Ramones tour in November of that year they found the time to meet up, at a Burger King – Jung’s suggestion, thinking it might force some sort of unconscious confrontation with the lyrics of Oh Oh I Love Her So – and, sources say, here Joey Johnny and the gang were so impressed that they just immediately handed Jung a leather jacket and jeans. Magically just his size. And from there on out, they got down to some serious work. C.G. Ramone paving the way for C.J. to come thru in ’89. The band honouring Jung right before this happened with naming their greatest hits collection Ramones Mania. And then when C.J. joined the first album is called Brain Drain?! That’s almost enough for me to rest my case

But let’s look at the facts. Right after this little talk at the Burger King – some say it was in Spain and that Mondo Bizarro points to this, others claim it would’ve without a doubt been in Germany – but anyways the next Ramones album was Subterranean Jungle. Jung’s name right in there. And what a better metaphor for the collective unconscious than a subterranean jungle. My goodness, those boys were onto something. And what’s the big hit off of Subterranean Yungle or Jungle however you wanna pronounce it? Well only Psycho Therapy!

This was in 1983 too, tying into the whole theory broached last episode that the great cycle of the world can be seen in the movements between that year’s Construction Time Again and 1987’s Appetite for Destruction. 1985 being the midway point, the center of it all, where the craziest things can happen. Like David Lee Roth leavin’ Van Halen. And that precisely did occur. R.E.M. was hip to this early on too, man. Again an issue of dreams not being so sweet. Psychic TV, woah, there ya go. But they had that album Dreams Less Sweet released in 1983 same year as Sweet Dreams are made of this who am I to disagree etc.

But R.E.M. right smack in the middle of the whole Construction/Destruction cycle, right there in 85 go on and release Fables Of The Reconstruction! Trying to hip the world to the fact that there’s a better way, the synthesis the sages have known for ages is coming. I mean look at some of those songs too – Maps & Legends, Life & How To Live It…foooo!

The Subhumans too! Another choice for favourite punk bands. I mean they broke up in 85 but they knew what was up back in 83, released From The Cradle To The Grave to point to the start of the cycle all over again

I mean it was a crazy world in 1985. Especially at the beginning with the proposed balance approaching, Freud planning Live Aid from the afterlife and all that. I mean it was all too much for Carmen Sandiego. And to show you how crazy it was, no one was really asking the question ‘if Carmen Sandiego is anywhere else in the world besides San Diego then what is really going on?’

But the Ramones knew. Especially with ol C.G.’s help – the C.G. I in the triangle as some were calling it – I mean they knew what was coming and prepared for it, openly declaring in 1984 that they were Too Tough To Die. Knowing that things often don’t survive such transitional phases as the switch to the Appetite side of the spectrum. They even went so far as to piss off Freud with Mama’s Boy, making sure they weren’t asked to participate in the Live Aid proceedings

1985 saw no new album from the Ramones

But 1986 with Animal Boy saw them heading back towards the primal, Mental Hell off that album further evidence of the Swiss doctor’s behind the scenes workings

And then, most tellingly, 1987 rolls around – the year we hit peak Appetite For Destruction. And we get Halfway To Sanity. I Lost My Mind and I Wanna Live bold proclamations of the journey they were on

And then as boldly as it began, it all seemed to scatter. A Slothrop-like fading out of the narrative… Was this an effect of the cycle? Or something else? Some claim they couldn’t have a C.G. and a C.J. both in the band while others were all for this balancing the J’s of Johnny and Joey, and with Jung’s role never being clearly defined or at least not made public, it made things all the more problematic. Especially with his last name startin’ with a J

Some look for him going on into the future, providing inspiration for countless other bands. I mean Sonic Youth? C’mon – Jung, Youth. I mean as if Expressway to Yr Skull and Schizophrenia weren’t enough they only go and release Goo in 1990. Carl Goo! Though people will point to Confusion Is Sex putting them more in the Freudian camp. This debut of course coming out in 1983. And thus the great cycle continues”

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Episode Twenty Nine – Jung Guns…& Roses, Of Course

Published November 24, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw explores Carl Gustav Jung’s relationship with albums released in the 80s and beyond, wonders if Jung and Axl Rose ever actually did have a band together, shows the effect of Van Halen & Def Leppard on his Anima/Animus theory, explains how Depeche Mode and Guns N Roses embody the process of the great cycle of life, and so much more

Taking in The Creatures, The Police, Inherent Vice, ABBA, Thom Yorke, Radiohead, shamen, Appetite For Destruction, Freud, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, L.A. Guns, Girl, Young Guns, 101, the spirit world, the collective unconscious, Construction Time Again, 5150, etc.

“People musta been all like ‘Jung, you crazy! Postulatin’ a collective unconscious like that. What you playin’ at? Everything’s connected? I mean even in a game of Connect Four, there’s gotta be a winner and a loser and then the game stops. How you go about explainin’ it, the rules are different in your dreams?’ Tryin’ to laugh him off… And keep in mind, this being Swiss German, they’re all pronouncin’ it Connect Fear… Little do they know they’re playin’ right into the great man’s theories. But Jung remains cool as ice, sticks to his guns, he knows what he’s talkin’ about. He’s all in touch with the future, like he knows Van Halen and Def Leppard are gonna come along. Heck, he’s even channelin’ them for some his theories… You know singin’ all ‘Anima!’ Confusin’ the title of that Def Lep single with the tune of VH’s Panama you know… But can you blame him? Things get all mixed up in the collective unconscious… going ‘Anima! Animuh-huh-huh-huh-huh,us’… And it starts to give him his Anima/Animus theory and in the process providing Siouxsie and Budgie the title for their third Creatures record… Of course not the first time Jung was involved in naming albums. He was apparently doin’ that left and right, givin’ old Stingy and the Police boys Synchronicity… Of course I mean the irony of it being that no one’s policing the collective unconsciousness. You can just steal people’s phrases and release multi-platinum albums there without anyone batting an eye… Or any royalties coming back across the aeons… Or I guess just decades, ya know… Then ol’ Thom Yorke of Radiohead – I mean wasn’t Jung the OG Radiohead pickin’ up all the signals like this… Well I guess not, I mean shamen have been doin’ it for ages… But just this year Thom Yorke released an album too called Anima… Which surprisingly was not just a covers album of precisely one half of that Creatures record… And he made a short film to go along with it directed by Paul Thomas Anderson… Who you’ll all know made the only film of a Tommy P novel, ol’ Inherent Vice!… Which you’ll recall had lots of police stuff in it – I mean woah ya know…all Bigfoot Bjornsen and all that… I mean does the actual Bigfoot, ya know Sasquatch, have an anima himself, provided this creature – woah – is male… Or you know an animus if Bigfoot’s a female… And woah though Bigfoot Bjornsen, well I mean who’s one of the most famous Bjorn’s of all-time?… Only him outta ABBA… And talk about the perfect balance between male and female, they were 2 and 2, ya know. The Noah’s Ark of pop music. And Jung wasn’t even Swedish to know all this

But Jung’s not too concerned with credit, or with all these naysayers. He knows what’s coming up in 1987, anticipatin’ it like a mofo, when he will be justified with the release of Appetite For Destruction and it’s lead off track, Welcome To The Jung-le. I mean of course Axl couldn’t pronounce it like that, ya know give the game away. I mean it’s not that easy, like the next song on the record would imply. Oh you wanna go through it track by track? Talk about takin’ the Nightrain from Zurich to Vienna to go hang out with Freudy Freud. Out To Get Me, Mr. Brownstone… well I guess I’m just namin’ tunes right now but ya know, you wait til you get to side two with Think About You, Sweet Child O’Mine, and You’re Crazy. I mean start thinkin’ about those songs and Freud’s theories and you won’t have to look very far. You just need a little Patience, as they would later sing. There’s the rumor that Freud once threw him outta his study for punning on that GNR song whilst talking about their, their medical patients ya know, but I’m not buyin’ it. But you can hear him, clear as day, saying to Freud ‘my way, your way, anything goes’

But gettin’ back to Welcome To The Jungle, I think Jung himself was prolly expectin’ it to be a more straightforward cover of the Frankie Goes To Hollywood single ‘Welcome To The Pleasuredome’. You know with the band being from Liverpool and all and Jung having had that crazy dream about Liverpool that he recounts in his autobiography. But Axl had different ideas. I mean imagine if Jung and Axl had a band and it was just called Gustav & Roses, ya know. Keep the G, keep the G U part of the Guns. Like keeping the rest of the history the same, and by this I’m not implying that Jung and Tracii Guns are the same person. I’m just condensing things for simplicities’ sake. But if the band LA Gustav combined with Hollywood Rose… like if Jung spent some time in LA, like as, as a street performer. Maybe a mime, yeah probably a mime, sometimes being a mime is the only way to blow off some psychoanalytical steam, especially on the other side of the world like that… But Jung’s just hangin’ out in Hollywood one summer, Echo Park, Silverlake… Ridin’ a unicycle between these neighborhoods just to confuse people you know, ‘let ‘em think I’m a clown,’ he says. Not out loud of course cause he is, at heart, a mime. But because he’s not actually sayin’ anything ever, no one knows a thing about him. They just start callin’ him LA Gustav and then soon enough he’s in a band with Axl Rose, sellin’ millions of albums, gettin’ songs on the Terminator 2 soundtrack. I tell you the collective unconscious is a wild place…

But now that I think about it, of course LA Guns are involved! I mean way back before all this there was that English glam band Girl – ya know, the whole anima concept – and who was the lead singer? Well, only Phil Lewis of course! Later to front LA Guns. But back in Girl Phil Collen was playin’ guitar – just like Bowie said Ziggy did! So when Jung’s all channelin’ Def Leppard’s Animal but to the melody of Van Halen’s Panama of course but actually singing Anima, well you know Girl’s all mixed up in there too…

But all this is a just a precursor for what he senses is coming, as all the shamen have throughout the ages. Which is 1988 rolls around, and what movie is released to great fanfare? Young Guns, of course! Junnnnng Guuunnns. And this is right after Appetite for Destruction comin’ out in 87 – Jung Guns & Roses ya know – I mean Jung was clearly on that spirit trip with Lou Diamond Phillips, Diamond In The Rough, the Rough & Tumble…all those tumbleweeds blowin’ in the desert, you know… La Bamba comin’ out the year before, same year as Appetite though years after that Disney cartoon La Bambi. But Ritchie Valens ya know and this movie with Billy The Kid, well Kid Rock’s last name is Ritchie! It’s amazin’ what you learn in the spirit world. And this is only like Spirit World 101, ya know like that Depeche Mode live album that came out just the year after, in 89. Eighty-nine, am I right?

But ya know some say it’s all just a great cycle of that earlier Depeche Mode album Construction Time Again and then Appetite For Destruction. And then a smaller number of those somes say that one day there will be a great synthesis and it will be Appetite For Construction Time Again. Which most will credit Depeche Mode for predicting with their pre-album single Get The Balance Right

Now Jung he didn’t discriminate. He could listen to both Depeche Mode and Guns N Roses without worryin’ anyone’s gonna call him a poseur. Ya know catchin’ their soundwaves off the great collective unconscious wireless way back in the 30s or let’s just say 50s ya know to make it seem even. Like 50/50 showin’ he doesn’t really favor either band despite possibly havin’ been in Gustav & Roses with Axl, and I mean Axl was a big Depeche Mode fan too. Apparently called them up when they were comin to the States and sang them Somebody over the phone. So I think it’s gotta be 50/50. Though sadly there are no real records to indicate what he thought of 5150 and the split with Roth. I mean if he’s acceptin’ synthpop like this but also a fan of guitars as shown with GNR and of course him gettin’ the Anima concept from Panama…well I think he’d be cool with 5150. Might even claim it’s the best of both worlds, though careful to not mention in the 50s the psychic schism he could foresee with Roth leaving the mighty VH in 1985. Which you’ll be sure to notice is the exact midpoint between Construction Time Again coming out in 1983 and the 1987 release of Appetite”

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