The Surreal Comedy Of The Young Southpaw
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In which Young Southpaw dives right into the chaos surrounding the world of queries within song and film, showing David Bowie to be – as you’d expect – valiantly at the front of both
Taking in Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight, Sweet Child O’Mine, Axl Rose, Guns N Roses, Paradise City, Depeche Mode, The Wizard Of Oz, Star Wars, and much more
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In which Young Southpaw explores Carl Gustav Jung’s relationship with albums released in the 80s and beyond, wonders if Jung and Axl Rose ever actually did have a band together, shows the effect of Van Halen & Def Leppard on his Anima/Animus theory, explains how Depeche Mode and Guns N Roses embody the process of the great cycle of life, and so much more
Taking in The Creatures, The Police, Inherent Vice, ABBA, Thom Yorke, Radiohead, shamen, Appetite For Destruction, Freud, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, L.A. Guns, Girl, Young Guns, 101, the spirit world, the collective unconscious, Construction Time Again, 5150, etc.
“People musta been all like ‘Jung, you crazy! Postulatin’ a collective unconscious like that. What you playin’ at? Everything’s connected? I mean even in a game of Connect Four, there’s gotta be a winner and a loser and then the game stops. How you go about explainin’ it, the rules are different in your dreams?’ Tryin’ to laugh him off… And keep in mind, this being Swiss German, they’re all pronouncin’ it Connect Fear… Little do they know they’re playin’ right into the great man’s theories. But Jung remains cool as ice, sticks to his guns, he knows what he’s talkin’ about. He’s all in touch with the future, like he knows Van Halen and Def Leppard are gonna come along. Heck, he’s even channelin’ them for some his theories… You know singin’ all ‘Anima!’ Confusin’ the title of that Def Lep single with the tune of VH’s Panama you know… But can you blame him? Things get all mixed up in the collective unconscious… going ‘Anima! Animuh-huh-huh-huh-huh,us’… And it starts to give him his Anima/Animus theory and in the process providing Siouxsie and Budgie the title for their third Creatures record… Of course not the first time Jung was involved in naming albums. He was apparently doin’ that left and right, givin’ old Stingy and the Police boys Synchronicity… Of course I mean the irony of it being that no one’s policing the collective unconsciousness. You can just steal people’s phrases and release multi-platinum albums there without anyone batting an eye… Or any royalties coming back across the aeons… Or I guess just decades, ya know… Then ol’ Thom Yorke of Radiohead – I mean wasn’t Jung the OG Radiohead pickin’ up all the signals like this… Well I guess not, I mean shamen have been doin’ it for ages… But just this year Thom Yorke released an album too called Anima… Which surprisingly was not just a covers album of precisely one half of that Creatures record… And he made a short film to go along with it directed by Paul Thomas Anderson… Who you’ll all know made the only film of a Tommy P novel, ol’ Inherent Vice!… Which you’ll recall had lots of police stuff in it – I mean woah ya know…all Bigfoot Bjornsen and all that… I mean does the actual Bigfoot, ya know Sasquatch, have an anima himself, provided this creature – woah – is male… Or you know an animus if Bigfoot’s a female… And woah though Bigfoot Bjornsen, well I mean who’s one of the most famous Bjorn’s of all-time?… Only him outta ABBA… And talk about the perfect balance between male and female, they were 2 and 2, ya know. The Noah’s Ark of pop music. And Jung wasn’t even Swedish to know all this
But Jung’s not too concerned with credit, or with all these naysayers. He knows what’s coming up in 1987, anticipatin’ it like a mofo, when he will be justified with the release of Appetite For Destruction and it’s lead off track, Welcome To The Jung-le. I mean of course Axl couldn’t pronounce it like that, ya know give the game away. I mean it’s not that easy, like the next song on the record would imply. Oh you wanna go through it track by track? Talk about takin’ the Nightrain from Zurich to Vienna to go hang out with Freudy Freud. Out To Get Me, Mr. Brownstone… well I guess I’m just namin’ tunes right now but ya know, you wait til you get to side two with Think About You, Sweet Child O’Mine, and You’re Crazy. I mean start thinkin’ about those songs and Freud’s theories and you won’t have to look very far. You just need a little Patience, as they would later sing. There’s the rumor that Freud once threw him outta his study for punning on that GNR song whilst talking about their, their medical patients ya know, but I’m not buyin’ it. But you can hear him, clear as day, saying to Freud ‘my way, your way, anything goes’
But gettin’ back to Welcome To The Jungle, I think Jung himself was prolly expectin’ it to be a more straightforward cover of the Frankie Goes To Hollywood single ‘Welcome To The Pleasuredome’. You know with the band being from Liverpool and all and Jung having had that crazy dream about Liverpool that he recounts in his autobiography. But Axl had different ideas. I mean imagine if Jung and Axl had a band and it was just called Gustav & Roses, ya know. Keep the G, keep the G U part of the Guns. Like keeping the rest of the history the same, and by this I’m not implying that Jung and Tracii Guns are the same person. I’m just condensing things for simplicities’ sake. But if the band LA Gustav combined with Hollywood Rose… like if Jung spent some time in LA, like as, as a street performer. Maybe a mime, yeah probably a mime, sometimes being a mime is the only way to blow off some psychoanalytical steam, especially on the other side of the world like that… But Jung’s just hangin’ out in Hollywood one summer, Echo Park, Silverlake… Ridin’ a unicycle between these neighborhoods just to confuse people you know, ‘let ‘em think I’m a clown,’ he says. Not out loud of course cause he is, at heart, a mime. But because he’s not actually sayin’ anything ever, no one knows a thing about him. They just start callin’ him LA Gustav and then soon enough he’s in a band with Axl Rose, sellin’ millions of albums, gettin’ songs on the Terminator 2 soundtrack. I tell you the collective unconscious is a wild place…
But now that I think about it, of course LA Guns are involved! I mean way back before all this there was that English glam band Girl – ya know, the whole anima concept – and who was the lead singer? Well, only Phil Lewis of course! Later to front LA Guns. But back in Girl Phil Collen was playin’ guitar – just like Bowie said Ziggy did! So when Jung’s all channelin’ Def Leppard’s Animal but to the melody of Van Halen’s Panama of course but actually singing Anima, well you know Girl’s all mixed up in there too…
But all this is a just a precursor for what he senses is coming, as all the shamen have throughout the ages. Which is 1988 rolls around, and what movie is released to great fanfare? Young Guns, of course! Junnnnng Guuunnns. And this is right after Appetite for Destruction comin’ out in 87 – Jung Guns & Roses ya know – I mean Jung was clearly on that spirit trip with Lou Diamond Phillips, Diamond In The Rough, the Rough & Tumble…all those tumbleweeds blowin’ in the desert, you know… La Bamba comin’ out the year before, same year as Appetite though years after that Disney cartoon La Bambi. But Ritchie Valens ya know and this movie with Billy The Kid, well Kid Rock’s last name is Ritchie! It’s amazin’ what you learn in the spirit world. And this is only like Spirit World 101, ya know like that Depeche Mode live album that came out just the year after, in 89. Eighty-nine, am I right?
But ya know some say it’s all just a great cycle of that earlier Depeche Mode album Construction Time Again and then Appetite For Destruction. And then a smaller number of those somes say that one day there will be a great synthesis and it will be Appetite For Construction Time Again. Which most will credit Depeche Mode for predicting with their pre-album single Get The Balance Right
Now Jung he didn’t discriminate. He could listen to both Depeche Mode and Guns N Roses without worryin’ anyone’s gonna call him a poseur. Ya know catchin’ their soundwaves off the great collective unconscious wireless way back in the 30s or let’s just say 50s ya know to make it seem even. Like 50/50 showin’ he doesn’t really favor either band despite possibly havin’ been in Gustav & Roses with Axl, and I mean Axl was a big Depeche Mode fan too. Apparently called them up when they were comin to the States and sang them Somebody over the phone. So I think it’s gotta be 50/50. Though sadly there are no real records to indicate what he thought of 5150 and the split with Roth. I mean if he’s acceptin’ synthpop like this but also a fan of guitars as shown with GNR and of course him gettin’ the Anima concept from Panama…well I think he’d be cool with 5150. Might even claim it’s the best of both worlds, though careful to not mention in the 50s the psychic schism he could foresee with Roth leaving the mighty VH in 1985. Which you’ll be sure to notice is the exact midpoint between Construction Time Again coming out in 1983 and the 1987 release of Appetite”
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In which Young Southpaw ponders the potential of water-based Cannonball Adderley album covers, Depeche Mode in pie form, if otters – those perfect teatime companions – blink in and out of existence or to Hoth and back, and much much more
Taking in The Beatles, ‘Abbey Road’, Cannonball Run, Meg Ryan, Can, the letter H, ‘Otter Than July’, Star Wars, rattlesnakes, Duran Duran, candy, sugar, etc.
“Does Cannonball Adderley have any album covers of him just jumpin’ into a swimming pool? Cause that would be amazin’, ya know. Summertime fun. Or maybe even in winter ya know, why limit, especially in jazz. And like with cool jazz, maybe it could be like the polar bear club? Him just bounding off an iceberg into the freezing Artic sea. I mean people used to put a lot into their album covers. Well, I mean the Beatles wanted to call Abbey Road Everest but, well I’ve heard different stories, that it cost too much or that they didn’t wanna travel all that way just for a photo. But you got to, ya know! I mean imagine if The Beatles did that?! They coulda been the biggest band in the world! Alright I’m just playin’ with y’all but I mean imagine if John Lennon addressed imagining them making the trip on Imagine? And then we all get sucked into some infinite time loop? But back to Cannonball Adderley cause that’s like the best name ever. He played the alto, ya know – altitude… Maybe he shoulda gone to Everest! I mean what would Abbey Road have been like if it had all hard bop sax lines all over it? Well maybe it did, we don’t know. And they just didn’t make the final mix. Cannonball all doublin’ McCartney when he starts getting’ real into it on Oh Darling. I mean it’s a shame they took out the sounds of Cannonball jumping into the sea on Octopus’ Garden. I mean had he known they weren’t gonna use those recordings, would he still have taken time out of his day to travel down to the beach with a bunch of equipment to do it? But getting’ back to Miles, I mean if Cannonball had been in his band for Birth Of The Cool, shouldn’t that album cover have been Cannonball just shootin’ outta the womb? Knees clasped to his chest with his sax already in his hands? Man, there could be so many album covers. Like when prog started goin’ all wizardy, they could have ol Cannonball jumpin’ off the turrets of a castle. And of course expandin’ it to film, I mean had they known he was gonna die in 1975 they should have moved up the shooting schedule for all the Cannonball Runs. Well, I guess there were only two but I mean didn’t we all – don’t we all – want a third ya know? For the trifecta? Have it just be all crazy jazz with the crazy cars. I mean this would be the best movie ever! Burt Reynolds & Dom Deluise as jazz musicians, drivin’ some sorta crazy, well not a Honda Jazz, though that might actually be the craziest car they could possibly use! Dom Deluise all playin’ a bassoon in the passenger seat, addin’ to the soundtrack. And ya know with the bassoon being a double reed instrument would lead many to conjecture that both Donna and Oliver Reed had been written into the original script as being the dynamic duo who wins it this time. I mean that would be hilarious, ya know. But would that mean that ol’ Cannonball Adderley wasn’t the winner? Of any of the three films? That can’t be right. And which way are they goin’ this time anyway? I mean in the first film it was Connecticut to LA and in number two they were tryin’ to go back the opposite way but they never made it past Las Vegas. Well personally I think they should finish what they started ,ya know like that Van Hagar song, but go back to the city of angels to start fresh and go LA to Connecticut, ya know the Nutmeg State. Well maybe ol Cannonball’s partner could be like Nut Meg Ryan and she’s the favourite, it being her namesake and all. Ya know what’s crazy is that Nut Meg Ryan was also in the film City Of Angels, that remake of Wim Wenders’ Wings Of Desire with Nicolas Cage. Woo! That’d be awesome if her and Cannonball’s car in the film was named Wings Of Desire as a cool little reference ya know. Even though cars don’t have wings. Well did they in The Jetsons? Naw, I guess it was all just space age technology for old George and Jane…
But there’s no need to take it into space. I mean that’d just be cheating. Besides it’s a feel-good summertime movie, for us here on Earth to enjoy. Ya know like that Love & Rockets song, Here On Earth. Well I guess that’s confusin’ my point with the rockets and all. But I mean drivin’ cross country, when’s the best to do it so Donna Reed’s hair doesn’t get all messed up even though she’s not in the movie? Cause summer’s hot man, even if you’re takin the Northern route. And then of course you’re gonna be tempted to go see Paisley Park and ya just won’t have time if you’re gonna win the race…
But summer man… I remember there was that crazy compilation that Fierce Panda put out called Otter Than July which had a Rosita song. Which was that band after Kenickie. It was so good, Sugar, ya know… I don’t know if it’s the same Sugar that that crazy Fall Out Band were later talkin’ about, or even if it was addressing one half of who The Archies were singing to with Sugar Sugar… I mean there’s a lot of sugar in pop music, it’s like all sugar. Well maybe not Depeche Mode ya know. Well definitely after Speak N Spell when Martin Gore took it all to the minor key, ya know. But I mean let’s not be so quick here, cause before I knew that Depeche Mode translates as ‘fast fashion’ ya know, ya got that ‘peche’ in there which is French for peach and you know how I was talking about songs in soup form last time? Well doesn’t have to be just soup, I mean how bout a big ol slice a peach pie, A LA DEPECHE MODE! Ya know, it just like comes with the essence of Depeche Mode in it – not like all the band members, I’m not advocating cannibalism – but like that feeling you get when you listen to Black Celebration or Violator. I guess you could put it in a can. Mix it up with some prime Krautrock ya know. Like Tago Mago or Ege Bamyasi’s the Can album with the can on it, talk about meta. Though I mean of course they’re going to be on their own album – has any band ever done that? Not been on their own album? Cause they’re too busy at the diner orderin’ up slices of peach pie a la Depeche Mode…
How did I get here? Oh yeah, Otter Than July… That’s crazy, ya know. You get rid of an H, and I usually never approve of gettin’ rid of an H ya know. It bein’, well, one of my favourite letters ya know. It’s got the parallel lines like Blondie and then the connecting one like Elastica or The Stones. Kinda says it all about life in one letter ya know, as we travel down, strangers on this road we are on, as Dave Davies sang on that Kinks song. All going straight ahead on our own and that tiny connecting line in the H is the only thing that brings us together. I mean maybe that represents peach pie a la Depeche Mode, somethin’ I assume we can all get behind…
But I mean it’s July right now and I haven’t seen any otters. Though I haven’t seen any otters in a while. I’d love to ya know, like Philippe from Achewood. Be amazin’ to have tea with an otter, ya know. I mean they got two right in their name, always one to share. I mean that’s where they got their reputation as the most sociable animal from, they can share their tea while still keepin’ the two in their name. Something we can learn from the otter kingdom. And probably Mr. T too. The A–Team…T & A… Well, there’s a crass, naw it’s not crass, it’s the human body, what am I sayin’? Or you could go A then T. Like AT-ATs ya know from Hoth in Empire Strikes Back. Hoth in Summertime. I’ve never understood why the first three letters of planet Hoth, the ice planet, were H-O-T HOT ya know? And if you were in Europe you’d pronounce it Hot too, ya know like the silent H in Thames, that river over in London. But I mean there’s no rivers on Hoth ya know, it’s too darn cold. I mean did anyone working on the film raise this issue? Is it some sort of metaphysical conundrum? Are we supposed to be taking it that it isn’t really an ice planet at all, but just pure fire? Then why was Luke all frozen like that? Is it like when you run the bathtub and it’s so hot it actually feels freezing? While burning your skin off, burning from the in-naw, it’s not even burnin’ from the inside. It’s burning from the out-side. Like the opposite of Bauhaus, you know. And it necessitated slicing open a tauntaun – more T’s and A’s right there, and slicin’ it’s like a Pixies and anti-Bauhaus mash up over here. I mean are Tauntauns like Hoth’s version of otters? And Otter Than July, it’s not like otters disappear for some seasons ya know. I think they’re here year round, they just don’t blink in and out of existence. Or do they? Oscillating back and forth between being otters here and tauntauns on the fictional ice planet Hoth? I don’t think it works that way. You could be having tea with them at anytime, or more accurately, they’d be having tea with you – they got teas to spare ya know. I mean what other animals have a double T in their name? I mean I know it doesn’t automatically mean these animals have hot beverages to share. Hmmm… rattlesnakes… not so much… I wouldn’t wanna share no tea with no rattlesnake. Though it might be fun ya know, musical teatime. I’m all confused now, but I mean don’t they have like venom? You never know if you’re gettin’ venomous tea, it’d be a minefield, like rattlesnake tea roulette. Double T in there too. Kinda like when people eat those poisonous Japanese blowfish, it’s the thill of…not dying… Of course it’s not like the blowfish is servin’ themselves up… suicidal… Hootie & The Suicidal Blowfish… maybe not even suicidal. Maybe they’re just offerin’ themselves for the greater good ya know. Like Harrison Ford wanted Han Solo to do in Jedi…
But rattlesnakes, they don’t even have any hands, not a one, how are they going to serve you tea? They’re just sittin’ there shakin’ it, makin’ music, like a tambourine player ya know. Imagine havin’ a live rattlesnake mic’d up onstage. Another one for that John Lennon song, I guess. You’d have to imagine it, you wouldn’t want to do that. Then again bands don’t have tambourine players, it’s usually singers who pick one up when there’s a break in the vocals so they can be doin’ something when they’re not singin’. Ya know smackin’ against their bum and whatnot, the side of their thigh, while they’re doin’ the last chorus or whatever. Imagine doin’ that with a live rattlesnake, that would just be insane! I mean first of all I always picture rattlesnakes as coiled, and you go and grab one by the back of the head, start smackin’ it against ya – cause they’re not that loud ya know, you wouldn’t be able to hear it really – and it’d just be dangerous. And everyone…no one would be payin’ attention to the song, why are they doin’ this in the first place? The whole audience would just be like gobsmacked, thinkin’ when’s this singer gonna die? Or when are they gonna put down the snake ya know. We always have choices ya know. Just put down the snake…
Duran Duran might be into somethin’ like this, ya know Union Of The Snake. But what would it be uniting with? Well maybe…maybe the union is just this rattlesnake fallin’ in love with a tambourine. But you can’t count on this to happen for the live show, it’s not like either of them are actors. So for the performance of Union Of The Snake every night the band just go offstage and a rattlesnake slithers on, sees a tambourine stage right and they fall in love. And if you’re in an arena, how are people gonna see somethin’ that small on stage? I mean even with the video footage, be hard to tell that they’re fallin’ in love. Crazy ideas Duran Duran have sometimes…
And Simon Le Bon seems too smart to be bangin’ a rattlesnake against himself. This whole idea seems like something an up and coming band would be doin’ for attention. Unless they’re like true artists ya know, some sort of…shamen… Just channelin’ whatever…
But bringin’ a rattlesnake in the studio – for that sooooounddd ya know. What if this rattlesnake becomes like a permanent member of your band? Starts demandin’ stuff like Van Halen’s brown M&Ms bowl. Do rattlesnakes eat M&Ms? I don’t know! Maybe they do. Maybe they love M&Ms… I mean I can’t imagine a more appropriate candy. Actually I can, I take it back! I dare stand corrected. Ya know, with their little tongue all flickerin’ out – the Jolly Rancher is the ultimate candy for the rattlesnake. For any snake I would imagine. Well no! I’m not gonna go on record as sayin’ that. Let’s just go with rattlesnakes for now. I mean boas and anacondas where they squeeze the victim, you might want like a Twix. That’d be crazy to try and like squeeze it so the wafer pops out all in one go. In one piece too, and you’re just left with the chocolate, ya know just for the spectacle of seein’ like, of seein’ like the cookie shoot out from the chocolate… like a cannonball!”
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