Tag: Elton John

Episode Twenty Eight – Rainbow Tornado

Published November 20, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw is dazzled by the heights and depths of rainbow tornado junkies and speculates what the wolves have to do with it all.

Taking in Ronnie James Dio, The Go! Team, chiropractors, The Wizard Of Oz, Scorpions, Duran Duran, Wolfsbane, Elton John, etc.

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Episode Twenty Three – John Lennon Séance

Published July 5, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw proposes a séance to get to the bottom of who in fact John Lennon thought was the best drummer in The Beatles, what we might find out about Live Aid in the process, and are people who wear a number other than two shoes really badasses?

Taking in Lenin, Van Halen, David Lee Roth, David Bowie, The Beat, symbols, Russian letters, Jabba The Hut, Elton John, Phil Collins, Adam Ant, the astral plane, etc.

“You know that John Lennon quote about Ringo, ya know? When Lennon was asked if Ringo was the best drummer in the world or something, and Lennon’s reply was ‘he’s not even the best drummer in The Beatles’ BUT I MEAN WHO WAS?! Ya know? I realize it was intended as, as a humorous statement, but it does raise the question – who was the best drummer in The Beatles? And I guess we’ll never know. We’ll certainly never know who John Lennon thought, unless of course he confided it to someone, well WILL THAT PERSON PLEASE COME FORWARD?! I tell ya, if he did tell somebody who he thought was, well, that person is a master at keeping secrets, someone I would very much like to have as my friend. Though that would complicate things because I would know that he had this information that I sought, and he…or she…would be aware that I desperately wanted this information, and not just me, I imagine the whole world at large would like to know too, ya know. And that would make things uncomfortable for the secret bearer, so that we could never truly be great friends, ya know. No matter how well we got along. Or even if like we perfected like some sort of unstoppable give-and-go basketball play that only we could perform, and like all the major teams were trying to sign us, new leagues sprouting up all over the world in the hopes that we’d be on their starting five but eventually I imagine this rift, this being unable to reveal all our deepest darkest knowledge to one another, would crumble even that. A shame really…

I mean I guess we could have a séance. That might even be the purpose of seances, the real deal, ya know find out, find out the facts, ya know. All the ancient mysteries of the universe that the dead are now privy to – like who did John Lennon think was the best drummer in The Beatles. Hmm, I was gonna say could it have been Stuart Sutcliffe, you know, you gotta lock the bass in with the drums? But he wasn’t in The Beatles when John Lennon made that statement, and he didn’t say ‘who’s ever been in The Beatles’ cause I mean that would have been like really unkind. You’d have all these people, ya know like opium addicts who are trying to set records for crashing hot air balloons, and like pyromaniac hairdressers who now operate in more metaphysical spaces ya know once they’d read Barbarella, all them start claiming they had been in The Beatles for like a day and that song Yesterday was actually about that 24 hour period and they’ve got the minidiscs to prove it. But no one knew what minidiscs were back then…

But I mean what else would I like to know from John Lennon if we were to do this thang? Well like, what did he think of Live Aid, ya know as a spectral being? That would certainly be interesting, I mean what would he have thought of it, 1985, what did he think of David Lee Roth leavin’ Van Halen?! Was it too soon for somethin’ like Live Aid after that catastrophe? Y’all, y’all with me on this? I mean, well what about Lenin? The other one ya know, ol’ Vladdy Ilyich. Do they like hang out all the time together? The other souls gettin’ them all confused, especially with that Back In The USSR song – yes I know McCartney wrote that one but McCartney never found himself in circumstances like these, ya know! And then there’s Working Class Heroes too, if you’re gonna be pedantic about it.

Or is there like a language barrier, like they wanna hang out but all the interpreters are busy trying to interpret just what is going on in the afterlife and are unavailable for mere communicatory purposes. I mean I would assume that everyone there has some sorta like ghostly babelfish allowing them to understand everything, but that might be a dangerous assumption. I mean imagine if during the séance I ask Lennon about Lenin, the one with two n’s and not three, the Russian guy, probably easier to say it that way, and the sadness of him saying that the language barrier is too great is just too much for any of us, including the medium, to bear. You need to plan these things ahead of time…

And I was talking about the Russian Ramones earlier, what about the Russian Beatles, what would they be called? Cause you know they got that rad letter the zheh, they call it the zhaba, I’m assuming that’s where Jabba The Hut comes from, look at all these assumptions today like I’m some sorta hep cat with nine lives and nothing to fear. But it could just be a strange coincidence, but I mean the letter looks like a frog which is why they call it that, and that’s what zhaba means in Russian. But it could also look like a beetle! It’s just a line drawing, a two-dimensional representation of a sound, ya know, but oh man – don’t frogs eat beetles? That’s scary as hell! This thing represents itself and the animal it feeds on. But maybe Lennon and Lenin have a band together that is just this almighty symbol. And Prince is there too. They tour together and it’s, it’s just symbols ya know! WOAH! Maybe it’s conceptual and they’re all just playin’ cymbals… Like the percussion, oh man… Would that then prove that John Lennon himself was the best drummer in The Beatles? Maybe he was referring to himself, the intrigue deepens, man. And ya know, what did he think of David Bowie & Bing Crosby’s version of The Little Drummer Boy? He musta talked about that with Bowie, well maybe, I’m not taking a hat trick of assumptions here, I’m not even wearing a hat! But I mean speakin’ of hats, he and Bowie wrote Fashion together, around the time of Young Americans. Despite neither of them being young Americans. Though they’re both in the B section at record stores. Not the same thing I know but it’s somethin’. And ya know, just to clarify, B as in the letter, not the insect. Though that’d be cool if they kept live bees at record stores. Near the ABBA and Jesus & Mary Chain singles. Walkin’ out with some new cds and a fresh batch of honey, sounds amazin’. Personally I’ve always wanted to name a band Elton John & The Beetles, spelt with two E’s of course so you don’t get sued. I just think that’s a great band name, you know like all those punk bands, the ones who did fight on Saturday nights – not that I’m condoning violence, even for the bees with their stingers ya know – but the Beetles, there’s that English band The Beat too. Their gigs on the Lower East Side, I wonder if that ever confused anybody with the whole LES abbreviation. Fans showin’ up, traveling thousands of miles to see what this Beatles reunion at a club in New York City is all about, and then The Beat, unaware of any possible misunderstanding, still for some reason chose to – for the first time ever – do a set of all Beatles covers? And maybe they do it like playin behind a screen like that PiL riot show, so that everyone leaves still havin’ no idea of what actually went on. Now I’m all confused myself, did this ever actually happen?

And ya know John Lennon imagine there’s no heaven or hell, well a séance would have to include some hard-hitting questions about that. In fact it would kind of back him into a corner…

And come to think of it, what did the whole spectral world think of Live Aid, ya know? And like what happened in the astral plane, you know, when David Lee Roth left Van Halen?! I mean that must have been insane. Atomic Punk, can barely begin to describe what was happenin’ there… Wow….wow…….wow……. I mean did like the whole spectral world like boycott Live Aid because of the name? Hmmm….Undead Aid…was that what wasgoin’ on? Did they have like their own superstar line-up that like far outdid Madonna ya know swearin’ and like throwin’ her shoe or whatever she did ya know? Aw, that woulda been hilarious if like Undead Aid happened the very next day and was just a parody of the whole Live Aid thing. Ya had like millions of undead souls just pretendin’ to be Phil Collins, teleporting from one place to another instead of flyin’ the Concord ya know. And people formed bands called The Shoes as like a dig at Madonna’s whole thang. That woulda been amazin’. Did Adam Ant play Live Aid, ya know Goody Two-Shoes? And what about Goody Two-Shoes? Does that phrase imply that like, the most badasses are like…people who only wear one shoe? OR MORE THAN A PAIR?! I mean that would be insane, you know. How do you wear more than two shoes?! That just seems complicated and uncomfortable. Then again, phrases like Goody Two-Shoes don’t come up for no reason. But everyone’s wearing two sh-, well no, it would be more correct to say everyone who is wearing shoes…is most likely wearing two shoes… Unless they’re in the act of putting one on, or taking one off, can’t rule that out. This whole phrase is a minefield. But I could always ask John Lennon about this at the séance”

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Episode Nineteen- Nietzsche, Time-Traveling Wu Tang Fan

Published April 19, 2019

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“He doesn’t wanna be bogged down with inventing cinema as well as bending the rules of physics, he just wants to get in his time machine and go to the movies…we’ve all been there…”

In which Young Southpaw queries if Nietzsche invented the Wu Tang Clan leading him to become a prototype for Dr. Who, wonders who the German philosopher was trying to bring to China to beat Wham! to it, and reveals ol’ Zarathustra’s plans for a highly irregular James Bond film.

Taking in European currency, the TARDIS, 36 Chambers, Shao Lin & Wu Tang, Intellivision, Cheers, ELO, Jeff Lynne, Elton John, Carl Douglas, Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting, Kung Fu Fighting, Enter The Dragon, New Order, Power Corruption & Lies, Beyond Good & Evil, Twilight Of The Idols, RZA, Simon Napier Bell, James Bond, Nelson Algren, The Man With The Golden Arm, T. Rex, Marc Bolan, Tony! Toni! Toné!, Metal Guru, China, etc.

“The German philosopher Nietzsche said ‘Without music life would be a mistake’ That’s a really beautiful sentiment, you know. And he said this in the 1880’s. I mean imagine that, he didn’t have any streaming services you know. He didn’t even have an ipod! If he wanted to experience music he hadda go to some sort of orchestral hall or sumthin. And I mean, what if he wanted to see the Wu Tang Clan ya know? I mean he woulda had to first invent a time machine… And then travel, and he’d of had to figure out their tour dates ahead a time. I doubt he woulda like invented his time machine and been able to second guess where and when they were playin’, and just landed there and walked right in. And let’s not forget he woulda had like 1880 German deutschmarks. He woulda somehow have had to convert those to American money. Actually this was well before deutschmarks and I believe he was living in Italy when Twilight of the Idols, which had that quote, was published, so it probably woulda been like Italian lire. But I think you’ll find the point still stands. And too you know both them Germany and Italy been on the Euro for years ya know. And then I mean first he’d even have to invent the concept of the Wu Tang, did – did Nietzsche invent the Wu Tang Clan? You know, in order for him to want to go see them, he would’ve first have had to know about them. But I mean he coulda had a vision too, ya know. A prophetic dream perhaps. That seems more likely than him thinkin of the phrase 36 chambers and then inventing it all from there. I mean, would his time machine have 36 chambers? That’d be crazy, that’d be huge you know, for the first time machine ever invented. Imagine that, he shows up, sees Dr. Who with the TARDIS and thinks nothin of it, ya know. He’s like ‘I can do that, why don’t they give me my own television show, ya know’ And if that’s what he’s thinkin’, I would imagine he would have then immediately invented Intellevision, jumped back in his ship to the late 70s and started that company. I mean I guess you can take diversions like that ya know even if his trip was originally to see Wu Tang he can just program his ship back to the show. Cause like when he learns about all those kung fu movies then he has to go back to the early 80s to watch them, well he probably doesn’t ‘have’ ‘to’, but he gets overexcited and wants to see them in the cinema when they come out. Also check on how Intellevision’s doing, figure out how he can bring all those profits back to 1880’s Europa…

At some point he hops back to 1978 too to see the cinematic release of the 36 Chambers film. Wondering ya know if its based on or if they even mention his time machine. Which he’s nicknamed Diane, I mean you never hear about that in the official history of Cheers though that might have been a whole different show if it had been a time-travelin’ interdimensional bar ya know…

And he has such a good time after attendin’ the world premieres of that and Shao-Lin and Wu-Tang he decides he wants to see Enter The Dragon – I mean who doesn’t! – in the cinema when it comes out. So he heads back and with Shao Lin in his head he somehow hears about Jeff Lynn and ELO and this is a whole other trip, ya know… in more ways than one. And he decides to stick around again and revisit the late 70s, ya know and pay more attention when it gets real poppy. And he’s tryin’ to reconcile how kung fu doesn’t really go with Mr. Blue Sky but it’s a great song, ya know. But Last Train To London I mean maybe like the Wu were playin over in Wembley and he combined them all there and he’s like ‘this is magic, this is strange magic’ ya know…

But I mean maybe it, it happened the other way around, ya know. That back in the 1880’s, Nietzsche was thinkin of these kung fu films, I mean maybe, maybe, like ya know kung fu was around then… And maybe he was like man someone should invent some sort of celluloid that captures these. And ya know without thinkin’ that he could make a lot of money doin this, makin film and whatnot, he’s like I just wanna see ‘em, I gotta know for myself. I mean in my mind he’s pretty impetuous, ya know. So instead of just going and watching live kung fu somewhere, he wants plot, and selfless that he is, combined with the impetuousness, he doesn’t even think the story of a man building a time machine would in and of itself make a great film. He doesn’t wanna be bogged down with inventing cinema as well as bending the rules of physics, he just wants to get in his time machine and go to the movies, we’ve all been there. So like he heads to the 1970s and he’s just watchin all these kung fu films you know. And then he learns about ELO. But then he gets real into record collectin’. Maybe he decides to wait, go with it, maybe he’s hearing all the early hip-hop and he’s thinkin’ I know what’s comin’, and not even because he’s been to the future yet. Just thinkin’ I’m gonna ride this out… Just so happens he gets hooked up with a sweet bachelor pad in Staten Island, ya know, quickly filling up with vinyl. I mean he wrote music back in Germany but he’s not trying to produce any of this music himself, he’s just havin’ too good a time. And like maybe he had some vision of the RZA and is just content to wait it out til he gets on the scene. I mean to Nietzsche this is like vacation ya know. Well not like the Chevy Chase film though I mean it coulda been that Nietzsche was thinkin of opening his own movie theater, have like a double-header of Spies Like Us and Fist Of Fury on weekends ya know. But I mean he’s got his time machine, he can go back to the very day, the very second he left ya know…

I mean I don’t really know which way around it happened. Was it the films or the music first for Nietzsche ya know? The chicken or the wait that’s kung pao… But there must be a chicken pose ya know…

And maybe ya know, he was there the day New Order’s Power Corruption & Lies came out. Snatched that right up. Inspired him to write Beyond Good & Evil, ya know. Maybe went back and wrote it then came back again, wanted to see it live you know. I wonder how he felt cause back then they were only doin like 45 minute sets, no encore. I wonder if he thought it was worth it, maybe he saw em every night of the tour, maybe…maybe…maybe he got like real busy and he was just time travelin back and forth, he didn’t wanna wait, ya know. Once the concert ended he just pinged himself back to mid-19^th century Germany… or France, or Switzerland, or Italy, wherever he was livin at the time. Though the phrase ‘at the time’ is getting to be quite fluid, ya know. But you know he went back, got a full day of writing in, then fast-forwarded himself – well let’s not forgot getting some sleep, I imagine he’d be a little worn out from all this space-time navigation – so caught some z’s – or is it s’s in German? Huh…I mean sheep starts with an s, well in English anyway…huh…well I think in German too actually… Well either way I think you’d need your rest. I don’t know the effect time travel has on one, but he was a clever… clever man ya know. Maybe the 36 chambers of his version of the TARDIS, the original ya know, O G, well maybe that’s a mystical number and it was set up that way because it actually improves your health while you’re whipping around the eons. So regardless then he fast forwards himself to very beginning of the next show on the tour. I saw New Order at the Hollywood Bowl a few years back and they played for over two hours, it was great man. They did Atmosphere by Joy Division, they did Disorder which is one of my favourite songs. I wonder if Nietzsche went… I mean I didn’t know anybody there… though that’s not entirely true… I ran into my friend Josh completely out of the blue… I wonder if Nietzsche knew that was gonna happen and was havin a little chuckle to himself… But look at me getting’ all arrogant…

Maybe this was before Nietzsche got disillusioned with the whole pop music game, you know. He was just brimmin’ with enthusiasm back in the 70s and maybe he sat down Elton John and Carl Douglas and said ‘look guys I’ve got this song, Saturday Night’s Alright For Kung Fu Fighting’ and you know it really seemed to old Nietzsche – well I shouldn’t say old, I mean he was time travelin like a spry young man – but it really seemed to him like he was gonna be a major player in the music biz. Be like the next Simon Napier Bell, you know. The man who amongst many other things brought Wham! To China. I wonder who Nietzsche woulda brought to China ya know… Man, that woulda been rad you know, if Nietzsche had just persisted and like the two of them had a contest to see who would perform live in China first. Maybe Nietzsche had his eye on like David Sylvian’s Japan doing it… or like Tony Toni Tone for an all the T in China tour! Though he woulda hadda bring them back in the time machine if he was gonna beat Wham! to it. And the more people you get involved in that the more dangerous it gets… But back to Saturday Night’s Alright For Kung Fu Fighting, Nietzsche was just heartbroken ya know cause Elton John and Carl Douglas decided to just divide up the song and not even mention Nietzsche. Claimin’ you know that dividin’ it up changes the whole idea of it and the melodic structure so Nietzsche wasn’t owed any royalties. Got no credit for it whatsoever ya know…

But I mean if he was goin’ backwards and forwards in time anyway, he coulda grabbed Toni Tony Tone and then gone back to like 1972 and pulled in T Rex for this All The T In China tour. Or even just back to 1976, still plenty of time to beat Wham! with Futuristic Dragon you know. The whole astrological aspect of it, released in the year of the Dragon too. Or maybe he just did both ya know. And maybe that T Rex song Metal Guru was written about Nietzsche. You know he wrote about the Greeks quite a bit, had his own mythology, and there is no real record of what he was talking about in the pubs of the early 70s. Maybe he was inspirin’ the local heavy metal bands, ya know. And Marc Bolan just saw him one day and was all ‘look at that metal guru, sittin’ over there,’ ya know…

I mean I wonder if it was all – cause he was a busy man, bein’ involved in all these aspects of music – I wonder if he was claimin’ he didn’t have enough time to watch tv. Never, never really saw Dr. Who, but then like suddenly he’s wearin’ a cape, like Jon Pertwee you know. And his friends just ain’t buyin’ this. But Nietzsche’s claimin’ it’s just part of the magical lore for this heavy metal guru gig that he’s doin’…

But funnily enough the whole China thing did end up bein’ Wham! You know…which is like the action you would make if you were to bang a gong you know. But then Nietzsche’s all, he’s thinkin’ outside of the box. He’s watchin’ all these kung fu movies and he gets real into James Bond too ya know. And after Live And Let Die – he sure likes the early 70s ya know – he’s got this genius idea that The Man With The Golden Gun, ya know the book was never really finished so why don’t they just make a James Bond movie of Nelson Algren’s The Man With The Golden Arm? But have it be about a Kung Fu master, you know. Sounds like it’d be quite a difficult task to get right, but with all the time travelin he’s done you know he’s prolly thinkin’ I can do such things like go into the future and bring the whole Wu Tang Clan back to 1973. Have them collaborate on this Bond theme with Marc Bolan and it will just be the raddest thing ever you know….

But I mean all this is conjecture ya know, cause we do have solid proof that it didn’t happen. Cause I mean if he had heard that RZA as Bobby Digital album, there’s no way that wouldn’t have found his way into his writings, ya know, been incorporated into his philosophy. But then again, I mean I say that, but he knows how precious it is, he wouldn’t want to spook everybody. I mean even with his 36 chambered time machine, he knew he couldn’t take everyone into the future. That if everyone went into the future then we woulda skipped all that stuff that made the future ya know. And you don’t wanna run the risk of that. I mean what if you do and like those films never get made? You never enter the dragon you know… Or chase the dragon like the bad guys in that film… Or just listening to that first Suede album ya know…

Though ya never know…cause I’ve heard that in certain areas of Bavaria… in the 1890s… the phrase ‘bring da mutter-flippin’ rucksack’ enjoyed an unexplainable surge in popularity. But you know, could it have been because…well…”

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Episode Sixteen – Standing On The Verge Of ‘Friends’ In Space

Published March 16, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw questions the veracity of Elton John’s claims, explores the more obscure Friends episodes, and wonders if the New York and San Francisco Giants are in an immortal league of their own.

Taking in Chris Elliott’s Get A Life, R.E.M., The Jetsons, The Wizard Of Oz, Australia, Ionescu, Mr. Bean, Custer’s Last Stand, Custard’s Last Stand, Custard, Led Zeppelin, Stand By Me, Weekend At Bernie’s, Oasis, Jack & The Beanstalk, Frank Baum, Pink Floyd, etc.

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