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Tag: Guns N’ Roses

Episode Thirty Two – Strange Rains

In which Young Southpaw examines the dangers of It’s Raining Men even if it might get RATT back in the charts and posits the theory that Blind Melon’s No Rain might be a cover of GNR’s November Rain

Taking in Exodus, Metallica, Duran Duran, Tones On Tail, Flood, Erasure, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, biblical plagues, and much more

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Episode Thirty One – A Question Of Questions

In which Young Southpaw dives right into the chaos surrounding the world of queries within song and film, showing David Bowie to be – as you’d expect – valiantly at the front of both

Taking in Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight, Sweet Child O’Mine, Axl Rose, Guns N Roses, Paradise City, Depeche Mode, The Wizard Of Oz, Star Wars, and much more

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Episode Twenty Nine – Jung Guns…& Roses, Of Course

In which Young Southpaw explores Carl Gustav Jung’s relationship with albums released in the 80s and beyond, wonders if Jung and Axl Rose ever actually did have a band together, shows the effect of Van Halen & Def Leppard on his Anima/Animus theory, explains how Depeche Mode and Guns N Roses embody the process of the great cycle of life, and so much more

Taking in The Creatures, The Police, Inherent Vice, ABBA, Thom Yorke, Radiohead, shamen, Appetite For Destruction, Freud, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, L.A. Guns, Girl, Young Guns, 101, the spirit world, the collective unconscious, Construction Time Again, 5150, etc.

“People musta been all like ‘Jung, you crazy! Postulatin’ a collective unconscious like that. What you playin’ at? Everything’s connected? I mean even in a game of Connect Four, there’s gotta be a winner and a loser and then the game stops. How you go about explainin’ it, the rules are different in your dreams?’ Tryin’ to laugh him off… And keep in mind, this being Swiss German, they’re all pronouncin’ it Connect Fear… Little do they know they’re playin’ right into the great man’s theories. But Jung remains cool as ice, sticks to his guns, he knows what he’s talkin’ about. He’s all in touch with the future, like he knows Van Halen and Def Leppard are gonna come along. Heck, he’s even channelin’ them for some his theories… You know singin’ all ‘Anima!’ Confusin’ the title of that Def Lep single with the tune of VH’s Panama you know… But can you blame him? Things get all mixed up in the collective unconscious… going ‘Anima! Animuh-huh-huh-huh-huh,us’… And it starts to give him his Anima/Animus theory and in the process providing Siouxsie and Budgie the title for their third Creatures record… Of course not the first time Jung was involved in naming albums. He was apparently doin’ that left and right, givin’ old Stingy and the Police boys Synchronicity… Of course I mean the irony of it being that no one’s policing the collective unconsciousness. You can just steal people’s phrases and release multi-platinum albums there without anyone batting an eye… Or any royalties coming back across the aeons… Or I guess just decades, ya know… Then ol’ Thom Yorke of Radiohead – I mean wasn’t Jung the OG Radiohead pickin’ up all the signals like this… Well I guess not, I mean shamen have been doin’ it for ages… But just this year Thom Yorke released an album too called Anima… Which surprisingly was not just a covers album of precisely one half of that Creatures record… And he made a short film to go along with it directed by Paul Thomas Anderson… Who you’ll all know made the only film of a Tommy P novel, ol’ Inherent Vice!… Which you’ll recall had lots of police stuff in it – I mean woah ya know…all Bigfoot Bjornsen and all that… I mean does the actual Bigfoot, ya know Sasquatch, have an anima himself, provided this creature – woah – is male… Or you know an animus if Bigfoot’s a female… And woah though Bigfoot Bjornsen, well I mean who’s one of the most famous Bjorn’s of all-time?… Only him outta ABBA… And talk about the perfect balance between male and female, they were 2 and 2, ya know. The Noah’s Ark of pop music. And Jung wasn’t even Swedish to know all this

But Jung’s not too concerned with credit, or with all these naysayers. He knows what’s coming up in 1987, anticipatin’ it like a mofo, when he will be justified with the release of Appetite For Destruction and it’s lead off track, Welcome To The Jung-le. I mean of course Axl couldn’t pronounce it like that, ya know give the game away. I mean it’s not that easy, like the next song on the record would imply. Oh you wanna go through it track by track? Talk about takin’ the Nightrain from Zurich to Vienna to go hang out with Freudy Freud. Out To Get Me, Mr. Brownstone… well I guess I’m just namin’ tunes right now but ya know, you wait til you get to side two with Think About You, Sweet Child O’Mine, and You’re Crazy. I mean start thinkin’ about those songs and Freud’s theories and you won’t have to look very far. You just need a little Patience, as they would later sing. There’s the rumor that Freud once threw him outta his study for punning on that GNR song whilst talking about their, their medical patients ya know, but I’m not buyin’ it. But you can hear him, clear as day, saying to Freud ‘my way, your way, anything goes’

But gettin’ back to Welcome To The Jungle, I think Jung himself was prolly expectin’ it to be a more straightforward cover of the Frankie Goes To Hollywood single ‘Welcome To The Pleasuredome’. You know with the band being from Liverpool and all and Jung having had that crazy dream about Liverpool that he recounts in his autobiography. But Axl had different ideas. I mean imagine if Jung and Axl had a band and it was just called Gustav & Roses, ya know. Keep the G, keep the G U part of the Guns. Like keeping the rest of the history the same, and by this I’m not implying that Jung and Tracii Guns are the same person. I’m just condensing things for simplicities’ sake. But if the band LA Gustav combined with Hollywood Rose… like if Jung spent some time in LA, like as, as a street performer. Maybe a mime, yeah probably a mime, sometimes being a mime is the only way to blow off some psychoanalytical steam, especially on the other side of the world like that… But Jung’s just hangin’ out in Hollywood one summer, Echo Park, Silverlake… Ridin’ a unicycle between these neighborhoods just to confuse people you know, ‘let ‘em think I’m a clown,’ he says. Not out loud of course cause he is, at heart, a mime. But because he’s not actually sayin’ anything ever, no one knows a thing about him. They just start callin’ him LA Gustav and then soon enough he’s in a band with Axl Rose, sellin’ millions of albums, gettin’ songs on the Terminator 2 soundtrack. I tell you the collective unconscious is a wild place…

But now that I think about it, of course LA Guns are involved! I mean way back before all this there was that English glam band Girl – ya know, the whole anima concept – and who was the lead singer? Well, only Phil Lewis of course! Later to front LA Guns. But back in Girl Phil Collen was playin’ guitar – just like Bowie said Ziggy did! So when Jung’s all channelin’ Def Leppard’s Animal but to the melody of Van Halen’s Panama of course but actually singing Anima, well you know Girl’s all mixed up in there too…

But all this is a just a precursor for what he senses is coming, as all the shamen have throughout the ages. Which is 1988 rolls around, and what movie is released to great fanfare? Young Guns, of course! Junnnnng Guuunnns. And this is right after Appetite for Destruction comin’ out in 87 – Jung Guns & Roses ya know – I mean Jung was clearly on that spirit trip with Lou Diamond Phillips, Diamond In The Rough, the Rough & Tumble…all those tumbleweeds blowin’ in the desert, you know… La Bamba comin’ out the year before, same year as Appetite though years after that Disney cartoon La Bambi. But Ritchie Valens ya know and this movie with Billy The Kid, well Kid Rock’s last name is Ritchie! It’s amazin’ what you learn in the spirit world. And this is only like Spirit World 101, ya know like that Depeche Mode live album that came out just the year after, in 89. Eighty-nine, am I right?

But ya know some say it’s all just a great cycle of that earlier Depeche Mode album Construction Time Again and then Appetite For Destruction. And then a smaller number of those somes say that one day there will be a great synthesis and it will be Appetite For Construction Time Again. Which most will credit Depeche Mode for predicting with their pre-album single Get The Balance Right

Now Jung he didn’t discriminate. He could listen to both Depeche Mode and Guns N Roses without worryin’ anyone’s gonna call him a poseur. Ya know catchin’ their soundwaves off the great collective unconscious wireless way back in the 30s or let’s just say 50s ya know to make it seem even. Like 50/50 showin’ he doesn’t really favor either band despite possibly havin’ been in Gustav & Roses with Axl, and I mean Axl was a big Depeche Mode fan too. Apparently called them up when they were comin to the States and sang them Somebody over the phone. So I think it’s gotta be 50/50. Though sadly there are no real records to indicate what he thought of 5150 and the split with Roth. I mean if he’s acceptin’ synthpop like this but also a fan of guitars as shown with GNR and of course him gettin’ the Anima concept from Panama…well I think he’d be cool with 5150. Might even claim it’s the best of both worlds, though careful to not mention in the 50s the psychic schism he could foresee with Roth leaving the mighty VH in 1985. Which you’ll be sure to notice is the exact midpoint between Construction Time Again coming out in 1983 and the 1987 release of Appetite”

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Episode Thirteen – Jimmy Page’s Water Park

In which Young Southpaw elaborates on the theory that Led Zeppelin’s final U.S. tour in 1977 was just an excuse for Jimmy Page to scout locations for a water park in Ohio, proposes that Johnny Marr should have played guitar for Ozzy Osbourne, clarifies that Samuel Taylor Coleridge was NOT in Duran Duran, takes a peek at the alternate universe where Lookout! Records released the Coverdale/Page album, and much more…

Taking in Family Ties, Scrabble, Christopher Columbus, Sandy Denny, occult symbolism, William Burroughs, Aleister Crowley, Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Mötley Crüe, Guns N Roses, Def Leppard, RATT, Tom Petty, Shania Twain, Metallica, AC/DC, Deep Purple, KISS, Van Halen, The Electric Slide, The Cure, Wet Wet Wet, etc.

“Drive throughs…would be a whole lot more fun, you know..if water slides were involved. Of the ways that this could go, I mean it’s like a cow’s stomach, there’s a lot of ‘em.. But imagine you’re going to get some food, you drive up and order, then park your car, and you get out and go on a water slide. And at the end they give you your food, that sounds amazin’. Or maybe after you order you give your keys to a valet who then drives it to the end of the water slide so it’s waiting for you after you’ve gone down and then eaten. Or like at water parks you could place your order at the top of the water slide then you shoot down and someone passes it out to you just as you’re about to hit the bottom so you can like slide into the end and then walk out just chompin’ down on whatever you ordered you know. Or you know there could be like a big pool at the end where you can relax on a tube and enjoy your meal while you’re floatin’. They’d time it right so it doesn’t get all wet, I mean these are professionals. And you just pay attention to the simple instructions you know…

But this starts from even before we were even born, you know. Comin outta the womb, I mean you mighta had some thoughts… Maybe, maybe you placed some orders in the womb, who can remember that far back? Maybe just orders in the metaphysical sense, like what you expected outta life. And you slide out and…well, maybe eventually…though you might not even know when they’re realized, or maybe you do, you get this sense of something coming together just beyond your comprehension. And speakin’ of sense, are we in a sense, what our parents ordered? Will there need to be some umbilical cord at the water parks to ensure a safe passing off, maybe the first time you do it? Then you gotta cut that thing but the family ties still remain but not in a strictly physical sense anymore. Remember that episode of Family Ties where they’re playin’ Scrabble, and Stephen’s gettin’ all obsessed with the game as is his wont? And he insists that zoquo is a word, you know, from the Greek, meaning ‘water sports’. Well hello theme park! And we were just talkin’ about the mysteries of life, I mean that’s prolly what Zeppelin 4 was all about. I mean who knows the actual name of that record? It seems to be untitled, but people call it Led Zeppelin 4. The band themselves just say ‘the fourth album’. Some say the name is the four symbols on it, and I’ve heard others just say Zoso, which you know, was Jimmy Page’s symbol. I mean it can’t be just a coincidence that Zoso and Zoquo, what Stephen Keaton was sayin’, sound so much alike. I mean this is just one of those incidents when the true meaning of things pops up later in the most unexpected places. Cause if you look at the last Zeppelin tour of America, 1977, they played two nights in Cincinnati, Ohio – shout out to the Afghan Whigs – and then two nights in Richfield, Ohio. That’s a lotta time in one state. And that’s where the Keatons were from, Columbus, Ohio. Named after Christopher Columbus I would guess, double C you know. That’s two hundred in Roman numerals, and we had just had the bicenntenial in 1976 the year before the Zeppelin tour. Well I mean, I think it’s obvious. Jimmy Page was usin’ the tour as cover while he scouted locations in Ohio for his own water park.. Probably pickin up the mantle from Columbus, who hadn’t had the time to find the ideal location for one, and although that may have been his mission, after sailin’ across the Atlantic I imagine the last thing he might wanna do is go down a water slide. Especially if he’d have to build one first. And we were sayin’ before about the four symbols on Zeppelin 4 but actually there’s 5! You know Sandy Denny, sang on Battle Of Evermore. Well she got a symbol too. The three downward pointing triangles. And you know what the downward triangle represents – well, water of course – at least in occult symbolism. You know the upwards triangle is Fire, like that Hendrix song that the Real Red Hot Chili Peppers later covered you know, and makes sense cause fire is both red and hot.

I mean I have heard it conjectured, and now you will have too, that the only reason Jimmy Page was into the Dark Arts, as they call ‘em, you know all that occult stuff, was cause he was tryin’ to get a water park built, you know. Wanted to do it with the least amount of physical effort you know. And as fast as possible. Makes sense to me. I mean what do you think Goin’ To California was about, the beach over there, or When The Levee Breaks…phew! Could it have been more obvious? You gotta prepare for the worst, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. And you know he could channel all that water into something you know like Five Symbols Over Atlantis. Or Water Slides of The Wholly, but you know Wholly spelt with a W you know W H O L L Y so you keep the, well at least the looks of the Ws you know you know like Wim Wenders. Though there’s no V, or well is there? I mean Houses Of The Holy was the fifth Zeppelin album. Though I imagine this water park of Jimmy Page’s would just be called The Ocean, right? I mean keep it simple, you hire PR people that’s what they would tell you to name it. You could do Down By The Seaside but uh. And then the individual rides you know. I mean you’d have Fool In The Rain, based on the Tarot you know. Start the journey, get you soaked. Or maybe it’s a slight drizzle, I don’t know. Black Mountain Slide more like, you know. Moby Dick, Swan Song, these are all aquatic beings…

And then Stairway To Heaven, what else could that be but climbing up to experience the heaven of goin’ down a waterslide? I mean you were thinkin’ waterslide first time you ever heard that title, no? It’s the perfect description of one, now imagine adding to that, you know, gettin’ food delivered to you at the end. Aaaaaaaaand the satisfaction of placing an order at the top and havin’ it be completed, a wish come true, minutes later. Talk about heaven, that’s like Heaven 17, you know. Took their name from A Clockwork Orange. And then The Soft Machine – will there be vending machines at these water parks? I mean if you’re already getting food delivered to you, but then again they might not be delivered en route from one part of the park to another and you might get thirsty on the way. Well anyway, Soft Machine came from that William Burroughs novel of the same name, and then Steely Dan came from his Naked Lunch. But I mean there’s gotta be rules at these water parks you know, sanitation-wise, you gotta be wearin’ something while you eat…

And I don’t know if Page had the idea about servin’ food on the slides too but you got all those Lemons and Tangerines. And then Custard Pie is the first song on Physical Graffiti. And you got Candy Store Rock on Presence right before the 77 tour. And Hot Dog going into Carouselambra on In Through The Outdoor Door, I’m not sure that could be any clearer about eating at an amusement park of some sort…

And Jimmy Page bought Aleister Crowley’s manor you know, right on Loch Ness but he prolly soon realized that the water’s a bit too cold up there you know. And then Ozzy had that song Mr. Crowley, you know, it’s the same person, spelled exactly the same and referin’ to the same person. Crowley himself said ‘it is pronounced Crow-ley, to remind you that I’m holy, but my enemies say Crowley, and wish to treat me foully’, you know. But it’s a wonder that when Jimmy Page left Led Zeppelin, why he didn’t end up playin’ with Ozzy at some point? Seems like the two had a lot in common, you know. That’d be pretty cool. But you know what I’ve always thought…is that you know when Jake E. Leeeeee left Ozzy’s band in 1987 that was just when the Smiths were winding up. I mean wouldn’t it have been rad if Johnny Marr became Ozzy Osbourne’s next guitar player? You could have ‘The Draizey Train’, you know, ‘Panic on the streets of Birmingham’…

And what about intercom systems, ‘paging Mr. Page’, you know. I imagine that never gets old, at least for the people doin’ it. But how does Jimmy Page himself feel about it? How many times has he heard that? How many times does he have to be called over the PA? But I imagine at his water park, that this might be on his mind. Cause if he’s there while they’re building it, and you’d think if he’s spent so much time and effort getting this together, doing a whole Zeppelin tour as cover, well you’d think he’d be there to supervise the building of it, magical or otherwise. And they’re gonna have occasion to call him over the, the tannoy as they say. And then once it’s open they’ll be usin’ it a lot, cause they’re gonna have to be callin for kids who have lost their parents, or a shoe or somethin’you know. Or is he versed enough in magickal lore to know how to, how to divert these things, to take care of ‘em in a different manner. To send like ethereal scouts to just…maybe never have anybody lose anything you know. Unless like their minds if there’s a concert goin’ on there too you know. Or maybe he could just cast a spell a protection over the whole place or who knows! I don’t know what his plans were, ya know. He had a long career in music that kinda overshadowed all this…

But 1977 was the year of the Fire Snake, year of Punk Rock. Double 7’s. Crowley had that 777, ya know. And then there’s Six Flags Over Atlantis, I mean. You know it’s one of the holy elements you know, in both Eastern and Western mysticism – ‘water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink’. Rime Of The Ancient Mariner, you know. Not the baseball team from Seattle, though it’s interesting they joined the American League in 1977. But Samuel Taylor Coleridge you know. Not one of the Taylors from Duran Duran of course it’s easy to get confused there but then Iron Maiden had that song Rime Of The Ancient Mariner too, ya know from Powerslave. I mean could it be a thing for metal bands to have their own themed water parks? I mean obviously Jimmy Page got there first but I’ve never seen any evidence that he copyrighted the idea. Or maybe you can just have one giant heavy metal water park. Rime Of The Ancient Mariner could be Maiden’s ride. Then you’d have like well, Turbo by Judas Priest. That cover sure looks like a fun slide to go down, that cyclone she’s got in her hand, I mean you’d whip round that. Motley Crue, they could have Wild Slide, ya know, and ya know Too Fast For Love. Ratt – Round and Round, I mean that’s perfect for a water slide. Guns N Roses could recreate that bit in the Estranged video where Axl’s all diving into the ocean you know…

Def Leppard had High N Dy, I mean the cover is a dude divin off a divin board! Maybe they were onto something. I mean the next album was called Pyromania. Well what do you require to put out all that fire? A whole lotta water, as Zeppelin almost sang. And Pyromania starts out with Rock Rock Til You Drop you know…

Tom Petty you know Free Fallin’ and I Won’t Back Down, I can’t think of two better songs that sum up my first experiences with water slides. I remember goin’ and there’s like those ones that are basically a vertical drop. I remember bein’ scared by it all, and Petty really addressed my concerns cause although I was frightened, I definitely wasn’t gonna back down. I mean some would say Petty’s whole career was about water parks, I mean he came from Florida…

But you know gettin’ back to more metal…

Metallica, well they could have…Ride The Lightning. Well, no, I mean that’s not safe mixin’ electricity and water. I mean you don’t wanna be all wet and get struck by lightning, that just seems dangerous. Well it’s dangerous to get struck by lightning anyway…

AC/DC, they got all those High Voltage, Powerage songs, maybe them and Metallica should open an electricity park. Shock Me, you know Kiss gettin’ in on it too, you know the Big, the Big Three. Though I don’t know how an electricity park would work, you know. What you would actually do, but uh, well I don’t know, this prolly isn’t a good idea. I don’t know who would go. You could see Deep Purple tryin to get in on the action too, combining Smoke On The Water you know…

But with electricity there was that whole dance The Electric Slide. I don’t pretend to understand it, I never could get the hang of it, never particularly wanted to, ya know. But I don’t know, I mean did that come about, was that like a test market for Kiss Metallica and AC/DC’s electricity park idea? You never can tell with these things, I mean the music business is a nefarious place, you know. All sorts of things going on at any given time and you know maybe all the music is just a cover you know. Like how Led Zeppelin’s 1977 tour was just to scout locations for water parks. But I mean it brought a lot of people happiness and rock n roll so what’s wrong with that?

But you know speakin’ of AC/DC and Def Leppard, what about Shania Twain? You know Up! Up up up it can only go up from here, etc. I mean imagine if she had like reverse water slides like you start off in the pool at the bottom and then you are somehow transported up to the top and then back down and then up again…Well that sounds a bit far-fetched, you know…

Then there was that whole Coverdale Page project. I mean Whitesnake, you know, that already sounds like a water slide. So does Slip Of The Tongue. Steve Vai on guitar. Well that Coverdale Page album had the Merge road symbol on it, you know, I mean that’d be dangerous. Probably not as dangerous as lightning slides or whatever technology Shania Twain is usin’ but I imagine it’s against the law to have water slides that flow into each other like that. I mean even with the best regulation – lifeguards, lookouts etc. – I imagine if people are cruising down separate tubes at high speeds towards the same part of a water slide – which in music is symbolized by the Coverdale Page album – well I’d think that ‘look out!’ would be yelled quite a bit, and they wouldn’t be talkin’ about Green Day’s first record label. Or you know the alternate universe where LookOut Records were the ones who released the Coverdale Page album, you know, issuing split singles with Operation Ivy and whatnot…

I mean it doesn’t even have to be just metal bands, we’ve already seen it with Shania, Def Lep, and Tom Petty, I mean anybody can open a water park! It’s a free country. Well it is here, I don’t know the rules in Europe but maybe that’s why Jimmy Page was scouting around Ohio. Liberty and justice and water parks for all. I mean that was probably almost the title of Metallica’s fourth album when they realized that water slides would be more profitable than electricity parks. But I mean the Cure could do it, on the Wish album they had From The Edge Of The Deep Green Sea. I mean heck on Disintegration they had The Same Deep Water As You, can’t get anymore blatant than that. AND! right before that was Prayers For Rain, you know, save themselves a lotta money if they’re usin’ natural resources like that. At their water park though I imagine they probably sell versions of the Head On The Door album with the song Sinking, you know quietly removed from the track listing. And the Faith album too has The Drowning Man replaced by their cover of the George Michael song Faith, you know. It’s tricky though with the goths. Does their love of the Cure and the excitement of going to something Cure-themed outweigh their dislike of being out in the Sun in bathing suits? But if it all comes together you’d think The Cure’d make a fortune in suntan lotion…

Then obviously there’s Van Halen, but I mean every water park by default, by the very nature of just being super fun is a Van Halen park, you know

And of course that band Wet Wet Wet should have one, you know. Did they ever cover Hot Hot Hot? I mean that just makes perfect sense to me that that should happen. Perfect sense! I mean of all the things that could ever have happened in the music industry, that seems to be why the music industry should’ve been created in the first place. Though Wet Wet Wet should stress that if they’re servin’ food on their slides you know, that it will not be too soggy to eat”

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Episode Nine – Al Pacino, Impressionist Painter In Space

The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos In Space On The Spaceship: The Al Pacino Story, man I’ll have to Google if Scarface wasn’t already subtitled this, it’s been so long since my cousins went to see it…”

In which Young Southpaw uses his possible illusion to conjecture about the heavenly Australia, florist mobsters, the complicated lives of famous kangaroos, and much more. Taking in Al Pacino, Pinocchio, Rush, Barry Manilow, Guns N’ Roses, Motorhead, Neptune, Uranus, Mars, Joey from Friends, The Horse Whisperer in different languages, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Impressionist Painting, etc.

“So I’ve never seen Scarface, you know…. Al Pacino… I remember when I was young when that came out all my older cousins went to see it with my grandparents and they came back and they were raving about it and I was confused cause… I was obsessed with Star Wars at the time and you know I kinda mixed up the letters in my head, I just changed that C to a T you know like Connecticut you know, the Nutmeg State. And we were all in Connecticut at the time, making this even weirder. And I swear I have ever since labored under the illusion… Well I don’t know if it’s an illusion or not, but I’ve certainly been using it, you know like Guns N Roses the old 1-2 punch. But I don’t actually know if it’s illusory or not cause I’ve still never seen Scarface. But I’m guessin it’s not true, but for some reason I think Scarface takes place in outer space… You know gangsters in space it’s not that far-fetched, what with films where you can do anything, they didn’t really have CGI back then, well maybe they did but you know it wouldn’t have been that great… You know I mean The Godfather you got planet Jupiter you know Saturn you know the rings like Wagner’s The Ring or that horror film The Ring you know with that Isle of Misfit Toys. I mean you gotta figure Rudolph’s been to space a few times. I mean how do we know that Mars ain’t just Rudolph’s nose you know… Truth be told, I’ve never seen any of these so like I’m just riffing here, saying what I think from what people have told me… I mean obviously I’ve seen the Rudolph film, you’d have to be livin’ in outer space not to have seen that… Though that is a generalization I’m gonna take back right now cause maybe if you’re livin’ in outer space you see everything cause the broadcast waves just hit ya and you take it all in you know… But with the others I’m just givin’ a general impression, that is the impressions that these have had upon me you know like the impressionist painters, you know. I mean are there any impressionist paintings call Scarface or Starface? Or of Al Pacino himself? I mean was Al Pacino an impressionist painter? I mean you can’t prove that there’s never been- I mean there’s the famous guy but there coulda been an impressionist painter named Al Pacino somewhere you know…

Somewhere in time like Iron Maiden you know and that one had the futuristic Eddie on the cover. Not that it was very impressionistic at all, though it certainly made an impression on me as a child. Had that Wasted Years on it, and Stranger In A Strange Land just like Al Pacino in the world of Impressionist painting… BUT! Of course there coulda been this other Al Pacino who was no stranger to the equally un-as-strange world of impressionism. Just doing his thang you know, not too concerned with fame and fortune you know, just painting impressionist pictures of you know of gangster wars in space. Maybe some tulips, you know… Maybe Johnny Two-Lips you know, some sort of florist gangster, you don’t want to run afoul of those. Saved Al Pacino’s life that one time that night the Barry Manilow concert got way too crazy in Rotterdam. I mean I picture them all being Dutch despite the last name Pacino. Or maybe Johnny Two-Lips is called that cause everyone else in his gang got their mouths sewn shut by some renegade Gepetto you know. Who wasn’t listenin to Jiminy Cricket’s always let your conscience be your guide, you know. I mean how would you like havin your mouth sewn shut with puppet string? I mean that’s thick string you know… I’m glad I never crossed that gang. I don’t even know the names of the dudes with their lips sewn together and I mean I guess they couldn’t even tell me. Unless they wrote it down you know. But I’d want to get the Dutch pronunciation right and it’d turn into this whole big thing if I then had to go show somebody the piece of paper with their name on it and ask how do I pronounce this without givin away that I was associated with these fellas you know, inspiring terror in the local population… But I mean I think Pacino would be pronounced the same in Dutch but it probably won’t be that fruitful to do a Google search of it because maybe he’s not even on Google’s radar. Or maybe there is one who is Google searchable on the Internet and then someone who is not, you know. He’s just livin’, livin’ his life. I mean maybe he’s Dutch and he’s just transported himself to Tasmania. The Tasmanian devil, you know maybe that could be his nickname in his small circle of friends you know..

But maybe he’s got a lot of friends you know. I mean we know nothin about Thomas Pynchon, old Tommy P!, but a lot of people seem to know him so maybe this Al Pacino is the Thomas Pynchon of impressionist painting, you know. I mean maybe… I’ve never been to Tasmania either. I’ve never even been down under, Australia, though I’d love to you know… Kangaroos… I mean do they really box? Boxing kangaroos in space seems like you know like isn’t organized crime involved with like riggin’ fights you know… It’d be a lot more… difficult…to…get…a kangaroo to go down in a certain round, I would guess unless like you know that Horse Whisperer film. And like the French and Spanish translations of that are just like the longest movie title ever. Cause it’s like The Man Who Whispered In The Ears Of Horses… I mean maybe that’s that Al Pacino or maybe that Al Pacino just knows this guy you know – The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos in Space. Wow I mean that’s certainly a long one. Even in English cause I don’t think there’s a one word equivalent.  It would certainly help if he was Dutch or German, I’m sure they got a word for that. But I mean we’d have to make it clear that by ‘in space’ we mean ‘on the spaceship’ cause sound does not travel in space. Well that’s another film right there. The prequel, The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos In Space. But nothin’ happens cause they can’t hear him. And then it could be The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos In Space On The Spaceship. Where they’re fightin you know subtitled The Al Pacino Story. Man, I’ll have to Google if Scarface wasn’t already subtitled this. It’s been so long since my cousins went to see it… I don’t know and then there’s the whole question of even if he’s whisperin’ in the ears of the kangaroos in space or not, can they even understand him? I mean there could be people who just you know talk to kangaroos all the time and the kangaroos are like all nonchalant about it. They’re like yeah whatever you humans want this is stupid anyway but you’re givin’ us good money you know and we have free reign of the land you know…

And Joey, I mean you’d have to call the main character of a kangaroo boxing pic – again in outer space or not – you’d have to call him Joey, I would think. You know the young… young and tough kid you know… I mean imagine if this was the Friends spin-off Joey with Al Pacino in a kangaroo costume. The Dutch one or the real one, wouldn’t matter cause you wouldn’t see him in the outfit… But then again there weren’t that many Friends spin-offs that took place in space… And I mean what’s the Australia of the planets, you know? So you got seven continents, let’s just say for arguments sake you got seven planets besides Earth cause you know Pluto’s reputation has gone a bit… haywire you know so I mean, how do those rank? You know maybe, maybe Neptune would have to be Antartica, cause it’s the coldest most farthest away you know. But I would guess Australia would be the Uranus you know cause it’s all upside down like we up in the Northern hemisphere you know like that Rush album – actually the Rush album is just called Hemispheres so they’re really talking about both of em – they’re not showin any favorites and neither should we you know. But I mean part of the ring goes down under like that Men At Work song you know. I mean are there men at work on Uranus? Well that sounds terrible but uh… where am I goin’, I mean… Well Scarface, you can’t have one of those kangaroos playin Scarface if it’s a literal scar you know. That’s cruelty to animals, you know. And I imagine cool as these boxing kangaroos might be about other stuff, you tell em they gotta be in hair and makeup at 4 am and then sit in a chair for hours while someone’s painting a scar on em – realistic or not – I don’t think they’d be havin any of it you know..

And that brings in the whole question of wardrobe too. I mean do they box with gloves on or is it barefisted? The cartoons you always see they got gloves on but… I don’t know, it’s a tricky world this stuff, you don’t know anything about you know… And how would the kangaroos even get into space, you know? They can’t jump that high, you know, even on a trampoline. There have been experiments I would think, even before the Wright Brothers… But I mean does Al Pacino even paint kangaroos? Is he more into self-portraits? Or you know portraits of famous kangaroo boxers you know… Smoking cigars like those dogs playing poker, but maybe the kangaroos are playing like pinochle or something or wist…or War! I mean that’d be a heavy impressionist painting you know, a bunch of kangaroos playing War, you know. The Ace of Spades all out and like you see a Motorhead album cover in the back you know – WOOO! Maybe like a Grim Reaper or something peering in the window, and it’s all too heavy, but like I said those kangaroos don’t mind They’re just playin it real cool you know. I mean I’ve got a busy schedule on right now but if this is what Scarface is about, someone please let me know and I will make the time to watch it”

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