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“The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos In Space On The Spaceship: The Al Pacino Story, man I’ll have to Google if Scarface wasn’t already subtitled this, it’s been so long since my cousins went to see it…”
In which Young Southpaw uses his possible illusion to conjecture about the heavenly Australia, florist mobsters, the complicated lives of famous kangaroos, and much more. Taking in Al Pacino, Pinocchio, Rush, Barry Manilow, Guns N’ Roses, Motorhead, Neptune, Uranus, Mars, Joey from Friends, The Horse Whisperer in different languages, Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Impressionist Painting, etc.
“So I’ve never seen Scarface, you know…. Al Pacino… I remember when I was young when that came out all my older cousins went to see it with my grandparents and they came back and they were raving about it and I was confused cause… I was obsessed with Star Wars at the time and you know I kinda mixed up the letters in my head, I just changed that C to a T you know like Connecticut you know, the Nutmeg State. And we were all in Connecticut at the time, making this even weirder. And I swear I have ever since labored under the illusion… Well I don’t know if it’s an illusion or not, but I’ve certainly been using it, you know like Guns N Roses the old 1-2 punch. But I don’t actually know if it’s illusory or not cause I’ve still never seen Scarface. But I’m guessin it’s not true, but for some reason I think Scarface takes place in outer space… You know gangsters in space it’s not that far-fetched, what with films where you can do anything, they didn’t really have CGI back then, well maybe they did but you know it wouldn’t have been that great… You know I mean The Godfather you got planet Jupiter you know Saturn you know the rings like Wagner’s The Ring or that horror film The Ring you know with that Isle of Misfit Toys. I mean you gotta figure Rudolph’s been to space a few times. I mean how do we know that Mars ain’t just Rudolph’s nose you know… Truth be told, I’ve never seen any of these so like I’m just riffing here, saying what I think from what people have told me… I mean obviously I’ve seen the Rudolph film, you’d have to be livin’ in outer space not to have seen that… Though that is a generalization I’m gonna take back right now cause maybe if you’re livin’ in outer space you see everything cause the broadcast waves just hit ya and you take it all in you know… But with the others I’m just givin’ a general impression, that is the impressions that these have had upon me you know like the impressionist painters, you know. I mean are there any impressionist paintings call Scarface or Starface? Or of Al Pacino himself? I mean was Al Pacino an impressionist painter? I mean you can’t prove that there’s never been- I mean there’s the famous guy but there coulda been an impressionist painter named Al Pacino somewhere you know…
Somewhere in time like Iron Maiden you know and that one had the futuristic Eddie on the cover. Not that it was very impressionistic at all, though it certainly made an impression on me as a child. Had that Wasted Years on it, and Stranger In A Strange Land just like Al Pacino in the world of Impressionist painting… BUT! Of course there coulda been this other Al Pacino who was no stranger to the equally un-as-strange world of impressionism. Just doing his thang you know, not too concerned with fame and fortune you know, just painting impressionist pictures of you know of gangster wars in space. Maybe some tulips, you know… Maybe Johnny Two-Lips you know, some sort of florist gangster, you don’t want to run afoul of those. Saved Al Pacino’s life that one time that night the Barry Manilow concert got way too crazy in Rotterdam. I mean I picture them all being Dutch despite the last name Pacino. Or maybe Johnny Two-Lips is called that cause everyone else in his gang got their mouths sewn shut by some renegade Gepetto you know. Who wasn’t listenin to Jiminy Cricket’s always let your conscience be your guide, you know. I mean how would you like havin your mouth sewn shut with puppet string? I mean that’s thick string you know… I’m glad I never crossed that gang. I don’t even know the names of the dudes with their lips sewn together and I mean I guess they couldn’t even tell me. Unless they wrote it down you know. But I’d want to get the Dutch pronunciation right and it’d turn into this whole big thing if I then had to go show somebody the piece of paper with their name on it and ask how do I pronounce this without givin away that I was associated with these fellas you know, inspiring terror in the local population… But I mean I think Pacino would be pronounced the same in Dutch but it probably won’t be that fruitful to do a Google search of it because maybe he’s not even on Google’s radar. Or maybe there is one who is Google searchable on the Internet and then someone who is not, you know. He’s just livin’, livin’ his life. I mean maybe he’s Dutch and he’s just transported himself to Tasmania. The Tasmanian devil, you know maybe that could be his nickname in his small circle of friends you know..
But maybe he’s got a lot of friends you know. I mean we know nothin about Thomas Pynchon, old Tommy P!, but a lot of people seem to know him so maybe this Al Pacino is the Thomas Pynchon of impressionist painting, you know. I mean maybe… I’ve never been to Tasmania either. I’ve never even been down under, Australia, though I’d love to you know… Kangaroos… I mean do they really box? Boxing kangaroos in space seems like you know like isn’t organized crime involved with like riggin’ fights you know… It’d be a lot more… difficult…to…get…a kangaroo to go down in a certain round, I would guess unless like you know that Horse Whisperer film. And like the French and Spanish translations of that are just like the longest movie title ever. Cause it’s like The Man Who Whispered In The Ears Of Horses… I mean maybe that’s that Al Pacino or maybe that Al Pacino just knows this guy you know – The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos in Space. Wow I mean that’s certainly a long one. Even in English cause I don’t think there’s a one word equivalent. It would certainly help if he was Dutch or German, I’m sure they got a word for that. But I mean we’d have to make it clear that by ‘in space’ we mean ‘on the spaceship’ cause sound does not travel in space. Well that’s another film right there. The prequel, The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos In Space. But nothin’ happens cause they can’t hear him. And then it could be The Man Who Whispers In The Ears Of Boxing Kangaroos In Space On The Spaceship. Where they’re fightin you know subtitled The Al Pacino Story. Man, I’ll have to Google if Scarface wasn’t already subtitled this. It’s been so long since my cousins went to see it… I don’t know and then there’s the whole question of even if he’s whisperin’ in the ears of the kangaroos in space or not, can they even understand him? I mean there could be people who just you know talk to kangaroos all the time and the kangaroos are like all nonchalant about it. They’re like yeah whatever you humans want this is stupid anyway but you’re givin’ us good money you know and we have free reign of the land you know…
And Joey, I mean you’d have to call the main character of a kangaroo boxing pic – again in outer space or not – you’d have to call him Joey, I would think. You know the young… young and tough kid you know… I mean imagine if this was the Friends spin-off Joey with Al Pacino in a kangaroo costume. The Dutch one or the real one, wouldn’t matter cause you wouldn’t see him in the outfit… But then again there weren’t that many Friends spin-offs that took place in space… And I mean what’s the Australia of the planets, you know? So you got seven continents, let’s just say for arguments sake you got seven planets besides Earth cause you know Pluto’s reputation has gone a bit… haywire you know so I mean, how do those rank? You know maybe, maybe Neptune would have to be Antartica, cause it’s the coldest most farthest away you know. But I would guess Australia would be the Uranus you know cause it’s all upside down like we up in the Northern hemisphere you know like that Rush album – actually the Rush album is just called Hemispheres so they’re really talking about both of em – they’re not showin any favorites and neither should we you know. But I mean part of the ring goes down under like that Men At Work song you know. I mean are there men at work on Uranus? Well that sounds terrible but uh… where am I goin’, I mean… Well Scarface, you can’t have one of those kangaroos playin Scarface if it’s a literal scar you know. That’s cruelty to animals, you know. And I imagine cool as these boxing kangaroos might be about other stuff, you tell em they gotta be in hair and makeup at 4 am and then sit in a chair for hours while someone’s painting a scar on em – realistic or not – I don’t think they’d be havin any of it you know..
And that brings in the whole question of wardrobe too. I mean do they box with gloves on or is it barefisted? The cartoons you always see they got gloves on but… I don’t know, it’s a tricky world this stuff, you don’t know anything about you know… And how would the kangaroos even get into space, you know? They can’t jump that high, you know, even on a trampoline. There have been experiments I would think, even before the Wright Brothers… But I mean does Al Pacino even paint kangaroos? Is he more into self-portraits? Or you know portraits of famous kangaroo boxers you know… Smoking cigars like those dogs playing poker, but maybe the kangaroos are playing like pinochle or something or wist…or War! I mean that’d be a heavy impressionist painting you know, a bunch of kangaroos playing War, you know. The Ace of Spades all out and like you see a Motorhead album cover in the back you know – WOOO! Maybe like a Grim Reaper or something peering in the window, and it’s all too heavy, but like I said those kangaroos don’t mind They’re just playin it real cool you know. I mean I’ve got a busy schedule on right now but if this is what Scarface is about, someone please let me know and I will make the time to watch it”