Tag: Surrealism

Episode Thirty Six – Bizarre Bear Triangles

Published June 18, 2020

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Was an early version of Love Will Tear Us Apart written by the ancient Greeks? Were New Order slated to cover the entire Wizard of Oz score for the So I Married An Axe Murderer soundtrack? Did The Pixies think Salvador Dali might have replaced Ian Curtis in Joy Division?

Young Southpaw investigates.

“Love will tear us apart, I mean maybe ya know. I guess that’s a possibility. I’d certainly never thought of that before I heard the song. That’s kinda dark. Though you look at those photos of Joy Division, they’re all black and white as well, real gloomy…

But ya know love, maybe… like I said, but ya know what would definitely tear a couple apart? Bears! I mean why wasn’t it Bears Will Tear Us Apart? Same number of syllables, ya know? I’d have to think that just by using logic Ian Curtis woulda thought of that before love occurred to him. Comes first alphabetically too! In case like the charts were rigged that way. I guess A would be even better but… Can’t think of anything…axes? Nah, see that’s two syllables. And they more chop apart than tear. Though that So I Married An Ax Murderer had a pretty good soundtrack ya know. Ned’s Atomic Dustbin doin’ Saturday Night by the Bay City Rollers. Boo Radleys coverin The La’s There She Goes. Suede with My Insatiable One. Now that’s pretty dark when you’re talking about ax murderers. Insatiable, woo. I wonder if New Order were even considered for that soundtrack? They coulda done like…well Lions & Tigers & Bears was a chant, not really a song. But ya know how they had a certain fondness for like frog noises and whatnot, on singles no less? They coulda thrown the Lions & Tigers & Bears chant into their tune for the So I Married An Ax Murderer soundtrack. A knowing nod to their secret history. But wait a minute like what if New Order…covered the entire Wizard of Oz soundtrack… And like if you pressed play on it at the beginning of So I Married An Axe Murderer it was like the most psychedelic experience ever!

But I mean yeah again axes and definitely axe murderers chop more than tear. Could be a combo I guess. Not so snappy of a song title though, ya know – Axes & Axes Murderers Will Chop & Tear Us Apart. Rarely do such themes make it into the singles charts. Though So I Married An Axe Murderer was ultimately a film about love. So this is quite problematic…

But like what strictly tears? Eyes I guess, not in the same way of course. That’d be crazy if tears…teared…tore? I mean now we’re in Pixies territory, no pun intended. Though I don’t know, who knows the inner workings of my mind and what it means to intend and whatnot? But that’d be crazy if Debaser was actually a cover of Love Will Tear Us Apart. Done to point out exactly what I’m saying here about the tearing. Imagine if Salvador Dali went on to sing for Joy Division, they just kept the name after Ian passed and like Peter Murphy ended up bein’ their chauffeur. And that’s what that Duran Duran song is about! That makes perfect sense!

Though if it was a bear drivin’ a car, like if Peter Murphy couldn’t make it to work one day. I mean I assume if Peter Murphy was going to get someone to replace him, bear or otherwise, he’d make sure they could drive. Heck they even had that Spy In The Cab, he’d totally know who he was putting in charge of cartin Joy Division around. Heck, it might even be too much of a system. But let’s just say, like there’s a communication breakdown, Jimmy Page workin’ some dark magic ya know, and a bear who doesn’t have a license, doesn’t even know how to drive, has prolly never even been behind the wheel of a car before – or any vehicle, tractors and gold carts included – let’s just say this bear finds himself there. What can he do? Does his best, I’m sure. But there is a very real danger that this bear…could tear them apart… Just by wrapping them around a tree or somethin’. And the car, car would go first. This could be what the songs Confusion and True Faith are about, heck maybe even Everything’s Gone Green – ya know this bear just taking them all back to the woods where he knows it’s safe. Rather than on busy city streets with radio stations refusin to play Axes & Axe Murderers Will Chop And Tear Us Apart

But like back to what I was sayin’ about alphabetically, eyes would be out cause E comes after B. Though like Bear’s Eyes Will Tear Us Apart does sound real cool and poetic, heck even more intriguing than Love. Lots of people fall in love, or claim to for whatever reason. But how often do you come face to face with a pair of bear’s eyes? Then like they could be crying, the tears tearing apart…it’s all startin’ to make sense now… And like Paddington Bear, ya know! Keepin’ it English. I’m not sayin’ Paddington Bear was violent at all. And neither am I sayin’ Joy Division should have been playing children’s television shows. If that’s what you’re taking away from this, let me correct your misconceptions. Though I mean I don’t wanna take money outta their pockets either. I mean kids prolly woulda liked Dali’s moustache, not payin’ so much attention to the sounds coming out of the speakers…

Huh… Though there’s prolly some copyright stuff with Paddington Bear but like ya know I mentioned they liked sampling animal noises, I imagine since those were still early days of electronic music you’d need a live bear at some point in the equation. Like musos didn’t regularly have authentic bear samples on hand. I mean where do ya go? Well Liverpool, of course! Bill Drummond and Dave Balfe got Zoo Records going…

Woah, speakin’ of bears and Liverpool, there was that band Care ya know. Paul Simpson and Ian Broudie. Care Bears ya know, woo! They had that tune Flaming Sword. Imagine facing that on the dancefloor! That’ll tear you apart. Well, I guess more slice though. But still, Care Bears With A Flaming Sword, now we’re talkin!

There were apparently a lot of animals in Liverpool at the time, certainly enough for a zoo – Lori & The Chameleons, Wild Swans, even Bunnymen – and then like all that Beatles memorabilia of course. Other cities prolly had Zoo Envy. Well how bout Zoos Will Tear Us – or heck Zeus! Will Tear Us Apart. I mean his lightning certainly would. Split you right in half. Like that Smiths song you know. And the Greeks woulda been fond of division too. Archimedes and his crew, all those cats. Maybe they even wrote Zeus Will Tear Us Apart and it’s just been floatin in the ether ever since for Ian Curtis ta pick up on thousands a years later. I mean I wonder how many songs this happens for…”

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Episode Twenty One – Panic!

Published May 17, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw freaks out pondering edible zombie plants, conjectures it might be Paul McCartney & Hawkwind keeping us all breathing, and reveals how the inventor of anime, Swiss Mister Carl Gustav Jung, plays in to the whole NWA/Sting rivalry.

Taking in Van Halen (of course), ‘Drop Dead Legs’, Jimmy Page, JJ Fad, The Smiths, ‘Panic’, plants, breathing, David Lee Roth, The Beatles, Wings, Empire Strikes Back, Aerosmith, Steven Tyler, Pet Shop Boys, Love & Rockets, Thomas Pynchon, The Police, The Corrs, Britney Spears, carbon dioxide, oxygen, hawks, and much more etc.

“I’m in a bit of a tizzy today, man. I just don’t get it, ya know. I mean we breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide. But ya know, when we breathe out, that breathe is still right there in front of us… to breathe right back in! So how are we not like dying of carbon dioxide overdoes within minutes? Unless you know like you’re breathing out really heavy, ya know like that line Roth sings in Drop Dead Legs ‘gettin’ ready’ etc. And then again Drop Dead is right there, in the title ya know. I mean your legs would be the first to go. Bucklin’ right under once you stop breathin’. Unless like you know you’re expelling with your mouth some kinda like jet propulsion to get the exhale far enough away while allowing new air to rush in and take its place ,and I mean it’s gotta be like oxygen-packed air. Can’t be the carbon dioxide exhales of the person standin’ next to you, even if it is David Lee Roth! And I mean there’s so many people in the world these days, all that carbon dioxide is right there just waitin’ – for your nose or your mouth, whichever way you wanna go, I’m not gonna judge – I mean there’s so many times where it’s just people, no trees or even tiny house plants in sight to absorb it all up. I mean woah I just don’t know. How does life keep goin’ on? And if everyone starts worryin’ about this they’ll be taking even shorter breaths you know, panic everywhere, I mean Morrissey prolly knew about this. Panic on the streets of London, Birmingham, all those places… Dundee? Done deal, ya know. Carlisle Ostend Ottawa, CO2 ya know… No wonder everyone’s so depressed all the time ya know with death only minutes away… Everytime you breathe it’s just a continual cycle, you know… Let The Circle Be Unbroken, that old folk song that Pentangle did. Though there are no angles in a circle. But you gotta break it, you know. Lest we all just keep breathin’ in carbon dioxide…

It’s a shame that plants don’t continue to breathe out once they’re already dead so you know like as you’re chewing they’re givin’ you the oxygen hook-up. In a very intimate fashion too. I mean that’d be cool if it worked that way – edible zombie plants ya know. But I don’t know man, I mean they say you get the most nutrients outta plants if you eat ‘em straight after pickin’ ‘em from the dirt you know. But I mean isn’t dirt just a whole bunch of decomposing dead bodies and excrement ya know? I mean I just don’t understand how life carries on you know. Even with that My Chemical Romance song to keep us goin’. Unless it’s all, I mean they talk about things just being a simulation… Or we’re all just imaginin’ this… Though why are we imaginin’ bein’ so close to death all the time? And if we’re imaginin’ this, why aren’t we imagining getting the original Van Halen back together? I mean I get it, in 1985 some prankster storyteller thought maybe we needed a little more drama in the world, something to compete with Live Aid, they thought I know, we’ll have Dave leave for a while. Without tellin’ everyone else to start imaginin’ gettin’ him back in the band a.s.a.p. I mean he couldn’t have wished to inflict us all with 22 years of that, could he have? And who was this fellow? I don’t mean to imply it was a member of The Who but ‘who’ is just really the only word I could use there to ask the question. Or why aren’t we imagining an infinite number of Van Halens? Playing an infinite number of water parks owned by Jimmy Page. Just the one Jimmy Page I think, you know. All comes together too cause Eddie said that it was seein’ Zeppelin with Page using his right hand as a sort of capo while his left hand wandered up and down the neck that gave Eddie the idea for finger tappin’. Ya know Page could be pumpin’ oxygen out into the park, ya know. Maybe get one of those negative ion distributors, orgone accumulators like that Hawkwind song, ya know. Hawkwind, maybe that’s what’s keeping us alive. All the hawks flyin’ by gettin’ the air flowin’. Maybe there are like supersonic hawks, like that JJ Fad song ya know ‘Super Sonic’ etc. That’s a jam, man… But tiny supersonic hawks who just cruise by, redistributin’ the oxygen in the jetstreams. And that’s why we’re all livin’. They got that Space Ritual, ya know. I mean if anything life is just a space ritual. Our third planet from the Sun. Suspended in all that infinite darkness, phooo! I tell you I’m gettin’ terrified just talking about it! Let’s get back to Hawkwind. Lemmy playin’ bass on my favourite album, well studio album, of theirs, Doremi Faso Latido, before goin’ on to do Motorhead, ya know. Motorhead also moving quite fast, gettin’ the air goin’, though there you got an issue with all the pollution it’s bringin’ in. But Hawkwind’s got that Warrior On The Edge of Time album, wooo-awww crazy you know. But I mean maybe by then it’ll all be electric cars. Imagine like The Cars then decidin’ to do an acoustic album. But until then ya know how are these hawks flyin’ so fast? Are they metal hawks? Is there technology involved? I mean I know nothing whatsoever of Airport Air Traffic Radar Control ya know. I start thinkin’ about it and I just start singin’ that Paul McCartney song Jet, ya know. Ya know by Wings. Ya know what’s crazy is that The Beatles… already had Wings. Was he like just parin’ it down to an essence? I mean is he responsible for these supersonic metal hawks, keepin’ us breathin’ all these years? Cause I mean I doubt they’re giant hawks, that would be crazy. I mean in order to move fast enough, and right past our noses and mouths – again I’m not gonna judge – but you know without knicking up our face they’d have to be real small hawks ya know. Like hummingbirds. You know hummingbirds flap their wings like a million times a minute like that Pet Shop Boys song One In A Million is just about one of those, like the smallest unit of time still able to be captured in song form. Like try contemplatin’ that. Get your breath real still, allow the bird to do their work, sweep up you know, in more ways than one. But like hummingbirds, I mean if you hum etc. Back In The U.S.S.R., ya know. Then you just got all that carbon dioxide stuck in your mouth and you can’t let it out cause your lips are shut! And ‘di’ is right there in the word, literally. Without the oxygen part it’s just be carbon, you know like Han Solo in ‘Empire Strikes Back’. Imagine if like every time we breathed out we were immediately frozen in carbonite! I mean that would get tedious! And someone hadda come and chip us away, ya know like that Aerosmith song Chip Away The Stone, you know. I always liked that song, got the word ‘promenade’ in it, but I mean how can you even think about promenading when you’re worried that with every exhale you’re gonna be frozen in carbonite and Boba Fett’s gonna come cart you away before Steven Tyler can show up with his chisel? And if everyone’s gettin’ frozen immediately including Aerosmith, well then how does that happen? Well I guess they’ve got that all figured out. It’s right there in their name ya know. I mean they do have that rollercoaster, ya know… And livin’ on the edge, ya know, of being seen and unseen. Amazing he had time for all this and American Idol. But is this just happening on a continuous cycle, you know like on average 10-12 times a minute for every one of our breaths. And there’s just an infinite number of incredibly fast Stephen Tylers with an infinite number of chisels…

It seems like this isn’t actually happenin’, but then again it would be happenin’ so fast that we wouldn’t be aware of it ya know? Like the little hawks that help us breathe, but then again how does that play in ya know? If the hawks are helpin’ us breathe then maybe this isn’t happenin’. Maybe before the hawks came into being this is what was goin’ on. Maybe this is what Empire Strikes Back was all about ya know. I mean who knows?! That happened a long long time ago, as it says at the beginning of the film, in a galaxy far far away, ya know. But maybe it’s a metaphor about here on Earth. Ya know like that Love & Rockets song Here On Earth, from the Earth Sun Moon album. Ya know talkin’ about galaxies again, Rockets, Rocket Juice To The Moon ya know, like Damon from Blur and Flea and well of course old Tommy P! I wonder what he has to say about this ya know? Maybe he should write some short stories about it, I mean isn’t there that Britney song Breathe On Me? Ya know there’s all that Britney stuff in Bleeding Edge… And of course she named her In The Zone album after part 3 of Gravity’s Rainbow. I wonder if that Corrs song Leave Me Breathless is precisely about all this… Coors ya know, the silver bullet, killin’ werewolves and all that ya know… And then there’s Every Breath You Take, ya know The Police. With that bumblebee guy, Sting ya know. I did think it was a bit childish for The Police to reform just to release that song F N. W. A., ya know. I did like how they they made it an acronym though to avoid the language but ya know maybe they were just doin’ that to get radio play. And I mean don’t you put an Ice Cube on a bee Sting? But I mean Every Breath You Take was Stingy takin this ya know, this wild carbonite theory, I mean he was readin’ lots of Jung at the time. Not, not this Young, ya know, Young Southpaw… but old Carl Gustav, ya know. Swiss mister, ya know, inventor of anime. Maybe this whole being unable to breathe is just a metaphor for what’s going on in our subconscious. But I mean supersonic bees, that would be rad too. I mean bees should really get in on this just cause it’s a cool thing to do. I mean anything with wings. There’s probably a whole other incredibly fast world that we’re completely unaware of. Incredibly small too. And it’s not like we can just use a microscope to see it, we’d need like a microscope for Time itself. Not that magazine. Well unless there’s a whole other level to the magazine I don’t know about ya know, with those QR codes they have nowadays. But ya know like Time, measured by clocks. Again like in Switzerland. Amazing we ever got around to inventin’ the clock with being frozen by carbonite so much of the time. But since it seems to be on a regular interval, that’s prolly where the inspiration – pun somewhat intended there – came from. I mean I’m not a scientist. But I do love that Guided By Voices song. But I mean look at us having made it thru this podcast without dyin’ of carbon dioxide poisoning.”

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Episode Nineteen- Nietzsche, Time-Traveling Wu Tang Fan

Published April 19, 2019

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“He doesn’t wanna be bogged down with inventing cinema as well as bending the rules of physics, he just wants to get in his time machine and go to the movies…we’ve all been there…”

In which Young Southpaw queries if Nietzsche invented the Wu Tang Clan leading him to become a prototype for Dr. Who, wonders who the German philosopher was trying to bring to China to beat Wham! to it, and reveals ol’ Zarathustra’s plans for a highly irregular James Bond film.

Taking in European currency, the TARDIS, 36 Chambers, Shao Lin & Wu Tang, Intellivision, Cheers, ELO, Jeff Lynne, Elton John, Carl Douglas, Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting, Kung Fu Fighting, Enter The Dragon, New Order, Power Corruption & Lies, Beyond Good & Evil, Twilight Of The Idols, RZA, Simon Napier Bell, James Bond, Nelson Algren, The Man With The Golden Arm, T. Rex, Marc Bolan, Tony! Toni! Toné!, Metal Guru, China, etc.

“The German philosopher Nietzsche said ‘Without music life would be a mistake’ That’s a really beautiful sentiment, you know. And he said this in the 1880’s. I mean imagine that, he didn’t have any streaming services you know. He didn’t even have an ipod! If he wanted to experience music he hadda go to some sort of orchestral hall or sumthin. And I mean, what if he wanted to see the Wu Tang Clan ya know? I mean he woulda had to first invent a time machine… And then travel, and he’d of had to figure out their tour dates ahead a time. I doubt he woulda like invented his time machine and been able to second guess where and when they were playin’, and just landed there and walked right in. And let’s not forget he woulda had like 1880 German deutschmarks. He woulda somehow have had to convert those to American money. Actually this was well before deutschmarks and I believe he was living in Italy when Twilight of the Idols, which had that quote, was published, so it probably woulda been like Italian lire. But I think you’ll find the point still stands. And too you know both them Germany and Italy been on the Euro for years ya know. And then I mean first he’d even have to invent the concept of the Wu Tang, did – did Nietzsche invent the Wu Tang Clan? You know, in order for him to want to go see them, he would’ve first have had to know about them. But I mean he coulda had a vision too, ya know. A prophetic dream perhaps. That seems more likely than him thinkin of the phrase 36 chambers and then inventing it all from there. I mean, would his time machine have 36 chambers? That’d be crazy, that’d be huge you know, for the first time machine ever invented. Imagine that, he shows up, sees Dr. Who with the TARDIS and thinks nothin of it, ya know. He’s like ‘I can do that, why don’t they give me my own television show, ya know’ And if that’s what he’s thinkin’, I would imagine he would have then immediately invented Intellevision, jumped back in his ship to the late 70s and started that company. I mean I guess you can take diversions like that ya know even if his trip was originally to see Wu Tang he can just program his ship back to the show. Cause like when he learns about all those kung fu movies then he has to go back to the early 80s to watch them, well he probably doesn’t ‘have’ ‘to’, but he gets overexcited and wants to see them in the cinema when they come out. Also check on how Intellevision’s doing, figure out how he can bring all those profits back to 1880’s Europa…

At some point he hops back to 1978 too to see the cinematic release of the 36 Chambers film. Wondering ya know if its based on or if they even mention his time machine. Which he’s nicknamed Diane, I mean you never hear about that in the official history of Cheers though that might have been a whole different show if it had been a time-travelin’ interdimensional bar ya know…

And he has such a good time after attendin’ the world premieres of that and Shao-Lin and Wu-Tang he decides he wants to see Enter The Dragon – I mean who doesn’t! – in the cinema when it comes out. So he heads back and with Shao Lin in his head he somehow hears about Jeff Lynn and ELO and this is a whole other trip, ya know… in more ways than one. And he decides to stick around again and revisit the late 70s, ya know and pay more attention when it gets real poppy. And he’s tryin’ to reconcile how kung fu doesn’t really go with Mr. Blue Sky but it’s a great song, ya know. But Last Train To London I mean maybe like the Wu were playin over in Wembley and he combined them all there and he’s like ‘this is magic, this is strange magic’ ya know…

But I mean maybe it, it happened the other way around, ya know. That back in the 1880’s, Nietzsche was thinkin of these kung fu films, I mean maybe, maybe, like ya know kung fu was around then… And maybe he was like man someone should invent some sort of celluloid that captures these. And ya know without thinkin’ that he could make a lot of money doin this, makin film and whatnot, he’s like I just wanna see ‘em, I gotta know for myself. I mean in my mind he’s pretty impetuous, ya know. So instead of just going and watching live kung fu somewhere, he wants plot, and selfless that he is, combined with the impetuousness, he doesn’t even think the story of a man building a time machine would in and of itself make a great film. He doesn’t wanna be bogged down with inventing cinema as well as bending the rules of physics, he just wants to get in his time machine and go to the movies, we’ve all been there. So like he heads to the 1970s and he’s just watchin all these kung fu films you know. And then he learns about ELO. But then he gets real into record collectin’. Maybe he decides to wait, go with it, maybe he’s hearing all the early hip-hop and he’s thinkin’ I know what’s comin’, and not even because he’s been to the future yet. Just thinkin’ I’m gonna ride this out… Just so happens he gets hooked up with a sweet bachelor pad in Staten Island, ya know, quickly filling up with vinyl. I mean he wrote music back in Germany but he’s not trying to produce any of this music himself, he’s just havin’ too good a time. And like maybe he had some vision of the RZA and is just content to wait it out til he gets on the scene. I mean to Nietzsche this is like vacation ya know. Well not like the Chevy Chase film though I mean it coulda been that Nietzsche was thinkin of opening his own movie theater, have like a double-header of Spies Like Us and Fist Of Fury on weekends ya know. But I mean he’s got his time machine, he can go back to the very day, the very second he left ya know…

I mean I don’t really know which way around it happened. Was it the films or the music first for Nietzsche ya know? The chicken or the wait that’s kung pao… But there must be a chicken pose ya know…

And maybe ya know, he was there the day New Order’s Power Corruption & Lies came out. Snatched that right up. Inspired him to write Beyond Good & Evil, ya know. Maybe went back and wrote it then came back again, wanted to see it live you know. I wonder how he felt cause back then they were only doin like 45 minute sets, no encore. I wonder if he thought it was worth it, maybe he saw em every night of the tour, maybe…maybe…maybe he got like real busy and he was just time travelin back and forth, he didn’t wanna wait, ya know. Once the concert ended he just pinged himself back to mid-19^th century Germany… or France, or Switzerland, or Italy, wherever he was livin at the time. Though the phrase ‘at the time’ is getting to be quite fluid, ya know. But you know he went back, got a full day of writing in, then fast-forwarded himself – well let’s not forgot getting some sleep, I imagine he’d be a little worn out from all this space-time navigation – so caught some z’s – or is it s’s in German? Huh…I mean sheep starts with an s, well in English anyway…huh…well I think in German too actually… Well either way I think you’d need your rest. I don’t know the effect time travel has on one, but he was a clever… clever man ya know. Maybe the 36 chambers of his version of the TARDIS, the original ya know, O G, well maybe that’s a mystical number and it was set up that way because it actually improves your health while you’re whipping around the eons. So regardless then he fast forwards himself to very beginning of the next show on the tour. I saw New Order at the Hollywood Bowl a few years back and they played for over two hours, it was great man. They did Atmosphere by Joy Division, they did Disorder which is one of my favourite songs. I wonder if Nietzsche went… I mean I didn’t know anybody there… though that’s not entirely true… I ran into my friend Josh completely out of the blue… I wonder if Nietzsche knew that was gonna happen and was havin a little chuckle to himself… But look at me getting’ all arrogant…

Maybe this was before Nietzsche got disillusioned with the whole pop music game, you know. He was just brimmin’ with enthusiasm back in the 70s and maybe he sat down Elton John and Carl Douglas and said ‘look guys I’ve got this song, Saturday Night’s Alright For Kung Fu Fighting’ and you know it really seemed to old Nietzsche – well I shouldn’t say old, I mean he was time travelin like a spry young man – but it really seemed to him like he was gonna be a major player in the music biz. Be like the next Simon Napier Bell, you know. The man who amongst many other things brought Wham! To China. I wonder who Nietzsche woulda brought to China ya know… Man, that woulda been rad you know, if Nietzsche had just persisted and like the two of them had a contest to see who would perform live in China first. Maybe Nietzsche had his eye on like David Sylvian’s Japan doing it… or like Tony Toni Tone for an all the T in China tour! Though he woulda hadda bring them back in the time machine if he was gonna beat Wham! to it. And the more people you get involved in that the more dangerous it gets… But back to Saturday Night’s Alright For Kung Fu Fighting, Nietzsche was just heartbroken ya know cause Elton John and Carl Douglas decided to just divide up the song and not even mention Nietzsche. Claimin’ you know that dividin’ it up changes the whole idea of it and the melodic structure so Nietzsche wasn’t owed any royalties. Got no credit for it whatsoever ya know…

But I mean if he was goin’ backwards and forwards in time anyway, he coulda grabbed Toni Tony Tone and then gone back to like 1972 and pulled in T Rex for this All The T In China tour. Or even just back to 1976, still plenty of time to beat Wham! with Futuristic Dragon you know. The whole astrological aspect of it, released in the year of the Dragon too. Or maybe he just did both ya know. And maybe that T Rex song Metal Guru was written about Nietzsche. You know he wrote about the Greeks quite a bit, had his own mythology, and there is no real record of what he was talking about in the pubs of the early 70s. Maybe he was inspirin’ the local heavy metal bands, ya know. And Marc Bolan just saw him one day and was all ‘look at that metal guru, sittin’ over there,’ ya know…

I mean I wonder if it was all – cause he was a busy man, bein’ involved in all these aspects of music – I wonder if he was claimin’ he didn’t have enough time to watch tv. Never, never really saw Dr. Who, but then like suddenly he’s wearin’ a cape, like Jon Pertwee you know. And his friends just ain’t buyin’ this. But Nietzsche’s claimin’ it’s just part of the magical lore for this heavy metal guru gig that he’s doin’…

But funnily enough the whole China thing did end up bein’ Wham! You know…which is like the action you would make if you were to bang a gong you know. But then Nietzsche’s all, he’s thinkin’ outside of the box. He’s watchin’ all these kung fu movies and he gets real into James Bond too ya know. And after Live And Let Die – he sure likes the early 70s ya know – he’s got this genius idea that The Man With The Golden Gun, ya know the book was never really finished so why don’t they just make a James Bond movie of Nelson Algren’s The Man With The Golden Arm? But have it be about a Kung Fu master, you know. Sounds like it’d be quite a difficult task to get right, but with all the time travelin he’s done you know he’s prolly thinkin’ I can do such things like go into the future and bring the whole Wu Tang Clan back to 1973. Have them collaborate on this Bond theme with Marc Bolan and it will just be the raddest thing ever you know….

But I mean all this is conjecture ya know, cause we do have solid proof that it didn’t happen. Cause I mean if he had heard that RZA as Bobby Digital album, there’s no way that wouldn’t have found his way into his writings, ya know, been incorporated into his philosophy. But then again, I mean I say that, but he knows how precious it is, he wouldn’t want to spook everybody. I mean even with his 36 chambered time machine, he knew he couldn’t take everyone into the future. That if everyone went into the future then we woulda skipped all that stuff that made the future ya know. And you don’t wanna run the risk of that. I mean what if you do and like those films never get made? You never enter the dragon you know… Or chase the dragon like the bad guys in that film… Or just listening to that first Suede album ya know…

Though ya never know…cause I’ve heard that in certain areas of Bavaria… in the 1890s… the phrase ‘bring da mutter-flippin’ rucksack’ enjoyed an unexplainable surge in popularity. But you know, could it have been because…well…”

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Episode Twelve – Valiant Times Tables

Published February 13, 2019

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In which Young Southpaw wonders if Love is simply a Sonic Youth album played backwards, about Sammy Hagar and Jim Morrison’s knowledge of the question, if there are any professional Duck Duck Goose leagues and what they know about it, plus a whole lot more…

Taking in Carla Thomas, Van Halen, Thomas Pynchon, The Soul Survivors, snakes, vinyl, The Cult, Iron Maiden, Revelation Records, straight edge, hugs, kisses, x’s, o’s, tic tac toe, etc.

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Episode Ten – Surfing Infinite Chairland

Published February 1, 2019

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Young Southpaw contemplates infinity’s affinity with boutique hotels, the fabled forests of Chairland, and surfboarding wizards with their Zeppelin & Sabbath-loving seagull entourages.

Taking in Chairmen Of The Board, Smashing Pumpkins, Elvis, Van Halen, Poseidon, Leonard Cohen, Robyn Hitchcock, The Afghan Whigs, yogurt, David Lee Roth, Fugazi, Thomas Pynchon, The Beach Boys, and more.

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